Where Have I Been......

I have been crazy busy the last couple of weeks, had some company and just getting back into the mainstream of life. I seem to have a little bit more energy than I did last week. I am doing a mandatory workout for two months, and that is much harder than I thought it would be. I have always worked out or exercised and always a little sore, but this is taking me much longer than anticipated for recovering time, so I'm taking it more easy. My Mom was here for a week and we got in the ocean a few times, need to make more time for that! I always feel better after that!

Next week I have a mammogram, I am a little nervous about that for sure!!!

Cancer was nice, in a crazy messed up way, it made me slow down and appreciate things that I had long since stopped appreciating and it seems like that crazy spiral is going right back into just that.....a crazy spiral.

Update on the tat.....it's coming OFF.....yup you read right, my TATTOO is COMING OFF!!! Who does that?? Donita does that....I'm that freak %.....it's CRAZY!!!!

Chemicals still around

I think that my chemicals are still around a bit. I am having some trouble with my lasik and with my general body, just really tired. I guess if I did some research I would find out exactly what was going on with my body, but you know what, I don't really want to know. I don't want to be "looking" for anything.

My hip has really been bothering me lately, and of course, all I can think about is my cancer metastasizing in my bones. That's why I'm not looking up any information on what's going on with the chemicals exiting the building.

Yesterday I was chatting with a dear friend who is 10 years out of cancer (YAY!!)) and now only goes once a year, he still worries about it coming back, so I know I am not alone with this thought process. He reminded me that I should be tired and it made me realize that I should be nicer to myself.

I have been frustrated with my energy level, it doesn't seem to be where I want it to be. I was given a rx to our hospital's gym, I went last night for the first orientation, have two more orientations before I start. A exercise orientation and a nutritional orientation. I hope they get me highly educated before I start (note the sarcasm....probably related to insurance or something like that) THEN I can start with the workouts and gaining back some strength.

I have lost weight, but I feel like I've lost strength and muscle too, and all that is frustrating because right before I was diagnosed I was doing so well with my trainer. I am one of the few who actually lost weight with breast cancer, most people gain weight, which really stinks!!!

Giant Chick!!!

Not in the girl sense, but actually in the bird sense, a chick...you know a small chicken. That's what I look like, a giant chick! I think newborns look this way too, it's a layer of really small fine hair everywhere and it's blonde and I seriously look like a giant baby chick.

Just thought I would share with you my new mental image of myself! :)

Wish I hadn't read it

This has, indeed, been a strange week. Have you ever read something you really wish you hadn't read??
I had my radiology appointment this week and she released me. Kinda strange, she said I had no side effects at all, therefore I am released. Yup, just done. I am very happy I am just "done" but a little leery also. Probably would have had a much happier experience had I not had my ipod go out while waiting for her. Since I didn't have that to play with any longer, I then had to read what was available to me.
I read the "stages of cancer" pamphlet that she had on the counter. I was pretty familiar with the stages and the information until I got to the last page, it was on "continuing on with life after cancer".
The paper said "cancer is a chronic disease, it never goes away, it just goes into remission."
That is the sentence I wish I had never read.....made me sad.....it just made it all "real" again.

Sad Day

Today two of my dear friends lost a parent. Having lost a parent myself, I understand what they are going through. What makes me really sad, is they both passed away from brain cancer. But they didn't have brain cancer forever, they were both okay a short time ago.

One friend, his Mom had breast cancer years ago, it was treated, and it came back. It came back many years later in her lungs and spread to her brain, too quickly and aggressive to treat.

My other friend, her Dad had bladder cancer years ago and he's been cancer free for years. Last week, he went to the hospital because he was a bit disoriented.....he had three large tumors in his brain, inoperable and quite an aggressive cancer. They think it started in his lung as well, and from what my friend said, he had a scan not too long ago (of his lung) and it was clear.

And today, they have both passed and cause of death will be cancer. I'm so sad for my friends......and I'm MAD that cancer has claimed two more lives.

Please get your scans...keep up with yourself medically.