Nervous Breakdown Avoided

In the dentist chair at 10:36 am, at 10:45am my phone rang. It was Cindy (NOT Sourpuss) and she had a space open up, would I like to come tomorrow at 11am?

Of course I will be there, 15 pages in hand with copy of living will.

Wow, I can breath again, so happy to have so many angels watching over me, I really feel them and I'm happy today.

And hungry, which is a good thing, haven't been up for eating in a while.

Update on calling office manager. Decided against it, I have to see Sourpuss for a while to schedule, don't want her mad the entire time and I got what I wanted. I will agree she needs to be a little sweeter, but eventually she will tick off someone else's ECT so badly that she will correct her ways!! After all, this is South Florida and the population make up allows for a good chance she will run into a New Yorker or a New Jersian (is that even right??) and believe me, you gotta be something to stand up to one of their verbal attacks!!!

She's Baaccckk!

You know, it's been a very long time since ECT has poked out her ugly little head, but she dropped by today.....

Nick had a dentist appointment, so I decided to take my 15 page packet from the oncologist to fill out while I was waiting for him. I was about half way done when Nick's hygienist came to get me to tell me that it was time to discuss Nick and surgical procedures on his mouth, teeth pulled, etc. and I completely glazed over.

I stopped her half way through pulling this tooth and the canine tooth that and said "I can't deal with this right now, can it wait 3-4 months, will that be detrimental to my son." She looked at me kinda funny and said, "no, I don't know, is something wrong." And I just said, "I start chemo in a few weeks and I just can't do it right now." She smiled and said, lets just get an xray and go from there. She walked away and I just thought there is no way I can do this, not now, I am such a baby.

About five minutes go by and she comes back and waves me into the room. I told her I was sorry for blurting it out and she just smiled. The Dentist came in, big Columbian kisses and hellos and he tells me the very long difficult canine tooth explanation, but ends it with "You take care of you now and Nick in January." I turn to walk out, but as I walked into the room I had gathered all of Nick's books and my papers from the waiting room. On top of the pile was the packet for the oncology with the two optional Dr's business cards paper clipped to the top of the paper. He says to me

"Is this your Dr.?" pointing to the business card

"I dont' know, I have the option of either of these" showing him both cards

"Oh, Donita, you must go to Dr. Oncologist, she is the best Dr. on the planet, she's a patient here and a dear friend, you can use my name call and tell her I sent you." (say that is a sexy Colombian voice, he has an awesome voice-and his wife knows-she's ok with it)

"Ok" I said thinking this was crazy or fate or my luck (working in my favor)

Dentist's wife yells from the front desk, "Is that Dr. Oncology, she is such a dear, you will love her she is just the best." as she comes at me with tears in her eyes and her arms wide open for more Colombian hugs and loves. And I was absolutely cool with it, I love this Dentist and his wife. We talk a while longer about her and I joke that I will see them tomorrow because I have a dentist appointment tomorrow.

Nick and I head to the car and I called Dr. Oncologist's office. NOT to force an appointment, but to tell them that I did indeed have a particular Dr. that I wanted to see and don't forget I'm a Texan and I wanted to share my 20minute story with anyone in Dr. Oncologist's office who would listen.

They didn't really want to listen, I got halfway through my story two times and was put on hold twice, then headed over to a girl who's name started with S. I can't remember exactly what her name is, but I will just call her Sourpuss. Sourpuss comes on a says (you know, the standard)

"Who is this?"

"Caledonia Wheeler W-h-e-e-l-e-r yesterday I dropped off my folder and I was asked if I wanted a particular Dr. and I said NO, but today I was at the dentist and my dentist knows Dr. Oncologist and-

"What Dr. do you want, I have you with Dr. Oncologist"

"Oh, beautiful, that is perfect, when is the date?"

"I was going to call you today but you beat me to it, it's Oct. 15"

(ECT is now playing the part of Donita)

"That's the SOONEST you can get me in?"

"Where do you live?"

"East Hollywood"

"You want to go to West?"

"No, I don't want to go to west, I changed surgeons to stay here and this is where I need to go, ok when is the next open appointment for the other dr.?"

"Oct 15"

"Oh, really, so neither Dr is available for 17 days?"

"It's not that long"

Really, really, it's not that long. Hey Soupuss, until you've had your boob squashed, five biopsies, two surgeries and now chemo, you can't tell me how long 17 days is. Could you wait 17 days for your paycheck, for your child to see a Dr. if he has the flu, for your gas to fill up, for your birth control pill, for your ANYTHING, SEVENTEEN days, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown before SEVENTEEN days gets here. Plus, my Mom is coming next week and I need her help when I'm actually having something done!!

"Yes, it really is a long time and you're not making me feel very good about this at all. Yesterday when I dropped off the packet, I called back and asked for a timeline. I asked how long before I would go for my first appointment, etc and she said it would be maximum two weeks and I would be in treatment in two weeks."

"Well, she doesn't know any of that, I'm the scheduler, do you want it or not?"

"Yes, I will take the appointment" and at this point my voice is cracking and I'm trying not to cry.

"WAIT, don't hang up, I need some information Mrs. Wheeler"

"What is your phone number?" Said Sourpuss

"IF you have my file in front of you, look down, both numbers are there." ECT lovingly replies

"Oh, yea, here they are, I need your address" Stupid Sourpuss

"Now open the file, see my license, it should be right there." ECT

"Ok, it's here and who's the insurance under?" SP

"My husband, Whitney Wheeler" ECT

"There's no gay marriage in FL"

"No, no there isn't and WHITNEY IS A MAN, HE'S MY HUSBAND" ECT screams

"When's HIS birthday?"

"6-13-63"

"60 what?"

"Sixty THREE"

"What?"

"T T H H R E E "

"Ok, you are down for 10-15"

And with that, we were done.

I was so mad, my face was bright red. Here we go again, it's going to take FOREVER to do anything and meanwhile, if one of those little lovely cancer cells broke off, it's just FLOATING AROUND my body waiting for a new home while Soupuss just floats through her "it's not that long" life.

I immediately called Dentist's wife and said with a very shaky voice

"I don't usually call in favors, but I just called Dr. Oncologist's office and dealt with a less than pleasant scheduler who told me it would be 17 days before I would/could get in, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown if I have to wait 17 days."

"Oh, Donita (Colombian sweet voice) we will call her tonight, both of us, and we will talk to Dr. Oncologist. See you tomorrow"

So, do I think I'll get my appointment moved up, probably not, but now to Dr. Oncologist I won't be a "file" I will be a "person" and that is good for me. I guess I'll find out tomorrow. Meanwhile, and a few phone calls later, I have been talked into calling the office manager tomorrow and letting her know Sourpuss's tactics for scared, close to out of their mind, crazy cancer (awaiting chemo and radiation) patients. She could have been much more understanding and sweet(er).

I will say on a positive note, it made me feel great to have my dentist tell me that the oncologist card I was holding was "one of the best Dr's in FL" and the reason the hygienist was so funny when I told her about me having cancer, is because she's a survivor and she knows.

Favorite cancer quote so far this pink path (seriously, not sarcastically) "You want your hair to fall out because you a) know it's working b) want the cancer to "fall all the way out". You want it to work, work as hard as it can, because that's its job, it's a good thing if your hair all falls out, really, it's a good thing."

That was so wonderful for me to hear, best thing I've heard so far, really.

Much Better Day

I am human again!

Slept for 13 hours and feel so much better. My stomach is a little iffy but have eaten and had lots of water, etc. Spent the morning at water polo games and going to a birthday party tonight, so I think I'm better.

Just had a giant nap, just kind of sitting right now doing nothing!

Know it's not much of a blog, just wanted everyone to know I was much better!!!

Seems to Just be One of those Days

Yesterday, hands down, worst day so far since I was diagnosed in June. I don't know why, I think I may have a stomach virus or something, but my stomach is not happy at all. I didn't sleep well at all last night, and today the roofers are here fixing two problems with the roof.

Of course the roofers are here today. William had a late start and didn't have to be at school until 9am. I took him and thought, I'll come home and take a nap since I got about 3 hours of sleep and I feel like crap.

Pulled up from taking William and here are the roofers, ready to go. No nap for me, just banging and banging........ There is something or someone in the universe that doesn't want me to ............. sleep...............ever.

Maybe it's because I've had anesthesia twice in two weeks and I have a hard time sleeping afterwards. This is something that the anesthesiologist was well aware of, we had several conversations about it, and they have done their best to help me with it. Maybe it's just having surgery twice in two weeks, but I HATE feeling wobbly and that's how I feel and incredible nauseous with my stomach growling, what a quandary.

Back to the roofers, I love Buddy (my beagle) he's a great dog. My only complaint is that he's a consistent barker and he sounds like a terribly mean huge dog from the outside of my house. Not only does he have a mean bark, he has a very loud bark. I appreciate it when I'm home alone and one of the Hollywood weirdos is wandering the street, or the postman needs me and the doorbell doesn't ring, or it's late at night and it's just me and the boys, but there is no "no bark gauge". He barks, regardless. The roofer man has already met Buddy and been inside three times and Buddy has barked nonstop for the last hour. My head is pounding and I'm afraid to take anything because I don't want to be sick.

Great day.........and it's only 9:35am!!! At LEAST it's Friday!!!

First Day Driving

Today was my first day driving in over two weeks and now I see why I wasn't supposed to drive.

Wow, it hurts. I probably had my worst day since this began. I have been extremely wobbly all day and shaky. Nick got out at half day and I picked him up, had some wonderful friends come by, a lady yell at me on the phone, and then I picked up William, dropped of Nick, brought home Will and went back to Will's school for teacher conferences.

I am whipped and wobbly and grateful I made it home with just a straight drive home and no quick responses necessary. Of course, both boys have a ton of homework, tests, and things for school. Nausea is strong today also, but the good news is all the bowels are moving well!

Just thought I would complain for a while, I'm sad I don't feel well at all today, thanks goodness tomorrow is Friday!!!!

More Details of Surgery

We got there at 10:55am and waited in the outpatient check in for a while. I have decided that the cream of the crop does not hang out at the check in at the local hospital! So we checked in, paid $150 that is required (I'm VERY close to my out of pocket max for this year). We moved to waiting room #2. Very crowded, so crowded that we took the last two seats. One by one they left and quite a bit of time went by. Then it was another couple, their children and Whitney and myself.

The man had dreadlocks longer than Cher's hair and the woman was preregistering for a c-section some time this week. She had her two daughters with her. We were able to hear quite a bit of the conversation, so I know the man's name was Kenny. They were reading the options for the living will, and Kenny requested that everything be left to Shacondra's boyfriend Kenny (that's when we learned the names) and then the two daughters present. Since they had different Daddy's, Kenny did not feel that they required any of Shacondra's possessions, except that each Daddy could have their child back. I hope someone explained what a "living will" was to them!!

Once they thought they cleared that all up, they proceeded to entertain the two little girls (guessing 4-5). They opened a can of Pringles (which was especially annoying to me since I was not allowed to eat since midnight and it was now almost 1pm) and fed them only if they performed tricks. The required trick was to act like a monkey. The better the monkey (with sound effects and all) the more Pringles were rewarded.

Whitney and I couldn't even look at each other. We were texting each other our comments, I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes. But it only gets better.

Kenny and Shacondra were discussing that if the baby was breathing right now in water (embryonic sac) then if the baby stayed under water his entire life would he be like a fish. Shacondra tried to explain to him that since the baby was breathing blood, that the baby would have to stay in water that had blood in it in order to breath and live. The conversation evolved into whether a fresh water fish would be able to survive in a salt water environment. They concluded that without a doubt, that all fish could adapt and live in any environment.

Thank goodness, at this point, they were called to register and left the waiting area. We were called shortly there after and went to my favorite preregister spot, but this time it was room #5 AND they remembered me. Lost 8 lbs since I was there last yay!! I ran upstairs and gave blood and then returned to room #5 to finish all the paper work. It's interesting, same paper work as two weeks ago, nothing changed except my weight and that I had taken a z pack. But that didn't matter, had to fill it all out again.

From there we were escorted to our other favorite pre-op waiting area. There we waited another hour before they took me in, gave me that fabulous robe and my favorite socks and hooked me up to all the wires. Then after another hour, the surgeon came by and initialed me and the fun juice started. Although I only got the fun juice about 10 minutes before surgery. Felt a little ripped off.

A positive, the needle didn't hurt as bad this time on the top of my hand because I made sure they knew it hurt last time. I do have a huge bruise on my under wrist because they were going to do it there, gave me lidocane and all of my veins constricted. They had to pull out and do it on the top, but she got a good vein before doing it and it was much better.

So, off we went to the operating room. I was awake while they moved me to a different bed and wrapped me in a warmer (room temp was 64.5*F) and gave me some more wires THEN I went off to lalaland. When I woke up, it wasn't as pleasant as last time, I was nauseous and woke up shivering, but they were quick to get me better. They gave me some pain medication (diloted) and I think I already said I had a turkey sandwich, applesauce, and graham crackers, vicodin and off we came home.

Today I am fine, very constipated and waiting for the epsom salts (best thing in the world) to kick in and I'm good to go. A little wobbly and my reading is interesting, jumps all over the page. Last night I couldn't sleep worth a flip, but I am hoping tonight I sleep like a baby!! Tomorrow will be my first day to drive in over two weeks, I am very excited about that, staying off the vicodin so I can drive!

Surgery Day #2

I'm home! The surgery was much easier and the pain is easier, just had a rough time with the anesthesia this time. I wasn't out very long, maybe that's why. Maybe it's because ECT is pms'ing and I felt nauseous this morning when I woke up. I have a killer caffeine headache right now. That's interesting to me, I have diloted (have I mentioned how I feel about that?) from my iv, a vicodin and some tylenol, breast is ok no current pain-head is killing me. Waiting for some more coffee to brew, this is after some at the hospital.

Feeling a little "wobbly" and having hot/cold flashes, but other than that feeling fine. Will blog tomorrow on the entire day again, so those who can't hear me first hand, can know exactly what happened!

Update on the fluid build up in the arm, it's all gone and the incision looks great. Dr. took out the stitches and said it looked great (big sigh of relief!)

The prayers, well wishes, posts, cards, calls, texts, everything REALLY get me through this. I can actually FEEL all of that energy when I'm down and concentrating VERY hard on not puking. It was nice to think of all the wonderful encouraging words I got through out the day. I know it's hard to be my cheerleader all the time, but we're only 1/3 (first base) through this and let me tell you now, I will KEEP needing them.

Sorry to be such a needy friend, but I'm telling you up front, I NEED you all. Thanks for walking this pink path with me and thanks for helping me. I hope NO ONE ever gets this-or anything remotely like it, but believe me, whatever path life leads you on, if you need an extra boost during any of it (the rest of your life) know that I am there, front and center!!!

Gauging the Day

I have three different places I set up camp since I had my first surgery.

1) my bed (thought I'd let you see the view)

2) the couch

3) the chair in the front room

The bed indicated that I am physically not feeling well and mentally feeling even worse. I have a bag that holds all "goodies" and I sit myself up, watch annoying tv shows, surf the net and nap (lots).

The couch indicated I am physically a little off and mentally better. I carry my bag downstairs and sit up most of the day.

The chair indicated that I am feeling very strong and healthy, I get up and down and leave the "bag" somewhere else, getting things I need as I need them.

Today's decision of whether or not I am well enough to have this surgery has me in the #1 option. I am so nervous about my decision, I think I'm fine, but what if I'm not.............

I'm to call the office after 2 and we're going to chat about it again. Then I call the hospital between 5-6 to find out what time I need to be there tomorrow morning IF I have the answer to the first question of whether or not I am well.

I think I'm well, I have no stuffiness and I am not draining, but I sound nasal. Sometimes in the morning I am just nasal. I wish I had a better grasp on how nasal I am on a regular basis before knowing I had to make this decision.

As long as we're talking about this, you know I LOVE my surgeon and totally respect all that's going on. Someone asked me if I knew a second surgery was possible. Nope, don't recall that at all, but as Whitney says, "You always need a little tweeking." I am sure it came up at some point and I just didn't listen. But I know now and if anyone else benefits from this knowledge, that's all that matters to me!

I had a dream, you know those jars of the jelly stuff that makes the farting noise? Kids love them and they are slimy and a little bit funny. Anyway, I had a dream that I sneezed out a glob of that. I showed to everyone and everyone put it in their hands, trying to decide what color it was. You know what happened, it was a different color in everyone who held it's hands. I think my dreams are pretty straight forward, I clearly do NOT know that I am qualified to make this decision! I think I'm fine and going forward tomorrow and let them decide at the last minute whether they think I should have it or not.

And I took an extra xanax today. :O)

Too Much Pressure

Disclosure: graphic information disclosed!!!

Feeling some pressure, I'm to call tomorrow and decide (myself) whether I'm well enough to have the surgery because if I have it sick, it can make me "VERY sick."

OMG, this is so much pressure, how am I supposed to know if I am well enough? I've been on antibiotics for four days now and I have no "stuffiness" but I still sound nasal. Blown my nose three times today and thoroughly inspected it for color........I think it's good, but what if it isn't?? It's not yellow anymore, but it's not completely clear, it's a little like Elmer's Glue. What does that mean??

I took a 46 minute shower, snorting water, trying to see if it was going straight through to my throat or if it was stopped up before coming back out. The only question I answered was that I don't like water up my nose. Some things never change!!

If I tilt my head back and slightly to the side, I think (not sure if it's real or my imagination) I can feel drainage rolling down the throat. Is that ok or is it just the color they are concerned about.

I'm trying to watch the Emmy's and I have no idea what's going on, all I can concentrate on is what my snot is doing.

I can hardly wait for my conversation with them tomorrow................maybe they will make the decision for me!!!

An update on the fluid. The swelling around the incision under my arm seems better, less swelling (since I laid off the arm) but there is a little more pain that in previous days. Not sure what that's about, there is two "hard" areas around the incision. Guess they will see about that on Tuesday too! I used some tape that I reacted too, that happened the night before going to the Dr. and I think the swelling/incision was due to the reaction to the tape. I'm really hoping that's what it was, not the permanent water retention!

Stern Lecture

The Dr's visit went well, except I got a stern talking too. I got the stitches taken out of my breast, which I thought was odd since they are going to reopen it right back up on Tuesday. But under my arm, I did not, because apparently I am a bad patient. I stink at being a patient, I have "done too much" and have fluid build up in my arm. She said that she told me not to use my arm at all and if I did and if there was fluid build it it would be permanent.

I remember the part about not using my arm, but I don't recall hearing the word permanent at any time! So, she scared me enough that I am typing with one hand and trying my best at not using my arm at all. But know that it is extremely hard for me to do. I am not doing it on purpose, my right arm just jumps up and takes over, it's a control arm for sure!!!

Also, if the fluid build up continues, they can drain it while I'm out getting more of the cancer spot removed. That beats an ER visit to the OR, so that's a positive with being put under again. My day has improved slightly, but I'm still a little touch and go emotionally.........

ECT has a message for everyone. She says, "stop telling me Tuesday will be a breeze, until your ass gets back in that operating table two weeks in a row to be put to sleep and cut open, then once you've done that,then you can tell me it's a breeze." :O)

Control Freak

All of my friends are control freaks, wait you're not supposed to write" all". Most of my friends are control freaks (not excluding family here) and we all joke and laugh about it. There is a hierarchy among control freaks also, and I will say with some pride that whenever a stronger control freak is my presence, I might balk and argue a bit, but usually I give into the stronger control freak. ECT usually pacifies this for me to some stranger in a parking lot. :) but really I don't mind compromising and reaching middle ground. I HATE conflict and avoid it like crazy, I even do things I hate to avoid it. BUT I will stand up for myself and get in someone's face if I have to, or have that uncomfortable conversation if necessary.

These next thoughts are going to worry people. Please don't freak out on me, just let me feel how I feel for a little while, it's how I "deal." (See me being a control freak).

I am so pissed off right now, I am so mad. I can't believe I have to have surgery again. I am very excited about the lymph nodes, but I am so very sad that I have to go to sleep again and wake up that "crazy" amnesia wake up. Actually, I'm just really mad I have cancer. I am not genetically disposed so WHY the hell do I have it? WHY every time I have something done is it not just quite right, what did I do to the universe that it is always the x% for me, ME I'm that crazy ass % that they hire lawyers for and it is really really FRUSTRATING. It makes me so very very very sad.

I have no control over this, with the supposed exception of my mental state, which I'm not sure I have control over either. I love my life, I have time for me and I spend the rest of the time enjoying my family. I can't pick up Will today because I can't drive, I can't drive because I have a huge scar under my arm, I have a huge scar under my arm because I have this uncontrollable unfair cancer. Cancer did not ask me, "hey you want to spend Will's sophomore year and Nick's 8th grade year getting all your sweet wonderful friends to pick them up and drop them off. I know you've done it their entire life and that's you job, but I'm reassigning you, you have a new job and it's CANCER. And for a bonus I'm going to throw in a bald head, days you can't move and a calendar full of days at the hospital."

I guess I can understand now how all the people that have been laid off or reassigned within the company, that's how I feel. What a FRUSTRATING feeling. I'm so sorry for everyone who's laid off, that now makes me even more sad. I didn't think I could get more sad.

I have a Dr's appointment today, so I have to get up and go get ready, I can't sit here crying anymore. Because why, oh that's right, I don't have any CONTROL over anything anymore. I am seeing it in little things around the house, the tiniest little thing becomes a huge issue. I understand, everyone just wants it back the way it was, we really had a tidy sweet fun loving atmosphere and now everyone in our house is so uptight and I know they are worried and I don't know how to fix that, I try and put on a happy face, but there are just some days I don't have a happy face in my possession.

I know all of this will pass, I just don't want any scars from it. I am sure this hopelessness feeling of my life spiraling out of control is just a temporary feeling from the momentary set back of another surgery. I just don't know how many more setbacks I have in me. But I bet I have a chance to test that out, given my luck with everything!

Lymph Nodes NEGATIVE!!!! But.....

How quickly things can change, it's that SLAM on the brakes I blogged about......

GOOD NEWS lymph nodes are NEGATIVE!!!!!

However.......

I need to go back into surgery next Tuesday for a second little removal. My tumor was 1.5cm and the bottom skin margin came back at under 1mm cancer cells stage 0. If they don't go and remove it, there is a chance of reoccurrence, so they will remove it next Tuesday. Then they will send off the results and a week later I will go back to see the surgeon. If the results all come back negative, then I will be given a packet and head over to the oncologist. She feels that they will start chemo pretty quickly due to the triple negative status. Then radiation to follow. She wants anyone who kept their breasts to have radiation, period. I realize that wording is a little funny, if you smirked, I am glad you did.

So, since I did so well last time I'm not that nervous this time. She wanted me on a zpack immediately due to my current cold. IF for some reason I still have an infection on Tuesday, they will reschedule me for when it's gone.

That's the update, same song, second verse!

BTW, Thank you for all the cards, flowers, gifts, thoughts, prayers and emails OH and driving and cooking!!!

Immediate Screeching Halt

You know when you're driving down the street listening to a good tune day dreaming with a smile and all of a sudden you are in a situation where you come to an immediate SCREECHING HALT. That's what cancer feels like.

The most frustrating thing about having breast cancer is most days you feel normal. You do normal things (for me I get kids everywhere and work on my book(s) keep my "boards" going, do my volunteer work, cook dinner (when my arm is working) , etc) and then all of a sudden something reminds you, oh yea, that's right I have cancer.

Then you're sad for a moment or two. Next you find a way to cheer yourself up and keep on going. I will just be glad when I don't think "I have cancer."

Technically I don't have cancer anymore, but since I'm not done with all the cya part of cancer, I still think I "have" it. That stinks too. No actually it really sucks.

Dr's appointment tomorrow, hope to find out the path results (in concrete since I already know preliminary was negative) and more chemotherapy information. My brain is beginning to sneak over to "chemo land". I need information-my imagination is just a bit too much for me.

The other day I watched Bucket List, bad idea, started freaking out and looking up side effects. Then believe it or not ECT got a hold of me and lectured me for a good mental 10 minutes until I just shut the computer and put it down.

Cheer for #4

I'm a little sad, I might have a cold. I am not tired (beyond coldness tired) and I feel strong but my little nose is all stuffy. :(

I was talking to my sweet friend this morning and I was telling her I felt sorry for my lymph nodes. I am pretty sure they take them out in order. I know they took out #1, 2 and 3. That makes my immune system a little weaker while they are reorganizing their order. I feel very sorry for #4, he's probably always been a bit of a slacker. I mean he's #4, so he's always there on time and in order, but probably rarely has to fend off anything because #1,2 and 3 are quite effective. I know this because I'm rarely sick. Now he's top gun, #1, I imagine he's feeling a bit of stress having taken on this new case load, and in this economy, poor guy.

As luck (again with the luck)would have it I don't get the run of the mill sicknesses, #1,2,3 and gang are very effective, I get random weird things that lymph nodes can't ward off.

I walked yesterday, as I mentioned my legs work great. It spread through Hollywood like wildfire, by 4pm (4's on my mind) I think 40 people had asked me if I had walked yesterday morning. It's true, I walked about 3/4 of my route, much slower than usual, and sat and waited for my walking partner while she walked fast and far. It was awesome to be out though, I really enjoyed it, staring at the ocean will cure anything (I'm convinced of it). Doesn't make my arm work better but I know that I sweat out some of that anesthesia yesterday. I can't wait for that to come all out. I'm doing much better, haven't had a week of weeping, which is what happened last time.

I do have a strange sensation in my arm and I definitely can't really use it much. It feels as though someone snuck in and put icy hot on my arm. Just small things, like a large coffee cup, reminds me that I need to really be careful with it. I don't do it on purpose, I'm right handed, it's automatic.

I hope #4's on board and gets up to speed quickly, I don't want anything cold, swine flu, whatever's out there, I just want to keep going. Move onto second base so I can quickly get to the home plate and be DONE!!

Everyone cheer for #4!!

Just My Luck

Have you ever thought about a "luck filter?" You wish people, "good luck" you have "lucky" charms, you call it "luck" but is luck always what you need? It goes the other way too...... "that's just her luck." I wish there was a "luck filter" where you could choose just good luck instead of just plain "luck."

I will (hopefully) get confirmation on my lymph nodes this week, I am pretty sure it takes a full week to get the results back. I go to the Dr. on Friday September 18th. I am thinking I will get my stitches out and a path report and a referral to the oncologist.

I've been asked a couple of times if the lymph nodes were clean, why the chemotherapy and radiation. I personally think it has to do with my friend Luck, although medicine will justify it differently.

It's because those little radical cells are just that, radical. If there is even the slightest chance that one of those little guys escaped the knife and "scoopectomy" then they like to relocate in the body. For those with triple negative, they like to migrate towards the brain.

My brain has a hard enough time on it's own functioning, it doesn't need any help from radical cancer cells! Plus, we all know how unwell that usually works out. Soooooo, the chemo is still on, followed by radiation. Not the cool new radiation that is done locally and less painfully, but the old fashioned " burn the hell out of you" kind (again, Luck).

I have accepted the fact that Luck chooses me, I don't choose it.

I celebrate "luck" with the lymph nodes, as with life, it's always a give and take. I win a ton of raffles, have a wonderful life and things always seem to pan out. I seem to find the "lucky" slot machines. And most importantly, I had good luck with the technician who found the evil spot.

What I would like is the ability to draw the line with luck or have a luck filter that only allows for "good" luck.

At least "luck" is not biased, it remains a constant in my life, always around. I have found out how lucky I am, I have friends/family all around the world and I feel very lucky about that as I take every step of this pink path.

Checking In

I have had several messages that you are all a little nervous I haven't blogged, but it's only because I am good. I am in very little pain and trying to not take my medication, with the exception of the night time. I feel strong and pretty good. I am being unlike myself and following the Dr's orders (although it's TOUGH). I get a little dizzy now and again, but that's all. My arm is sore, mostly at night.

We are thoroughly enjoying all the wonderful meals, thank you! I look forward to going to the mailbox (and it's really something fun to do while your doing nothing) and I thank all those who have sent something for me to get out of that mailbox!!! If you've driven me or my family around muchos gracias!

Have a great weekend, we have regular life to content with and then some fun events and I will monitor my activities, having fun and being careful!!

Excellent ALL Day Experience

Funny title I know, but if you have to have cancer and you have to have the cancer removed, then it was an excellent experience. The reason it took so very very long yesterday was because there were so many different elements and each one was with precision and care.

We got there at 9:30am and were checked in ready to go at 9:37am (remember the 2 hour visit, I am guessing that's why it took so long, I was truly done when I got to the hospital surgery day) and watched Rachel Ray for about 20 minutes.

I was called to the pre op room and they took blood which I later found out was for a pregnancy test (whahahahah don't have the parts) and to change into the stylish blue and green flowered robes. I was lucky, I got to wear one going backwards covered by one going forwards and those nifty little socks with hold em on the bottom. Once we confirmed I was NOT pregnant (whew, what a relief) I was escorted to a wheel chair and headed to the breast center.

Apparently I had an appointment there at 11am. In keeping with the soap opera attitude, they don't always give you the heads up of what's going on, but anyway, have you ever ridden in a wheel chair on an elevator. Wow, very fun (and I was drug free at the time) reminded me of the Superman ride at Six Flags over Texas. We pulled up to the breast center where I was greeted by all of my friends with whom I have spent many hours with the last eight months.

I had to wait a bit there and seeing as it's a breast center, men are not allowed so Whitney was in the waiting room outside the breast center. I was a bit fidgety at this point and was overwhelmed by the smell of their delicious coffee (that in the past I had thoroughly enjoyed) so I asked to go sit with Whitney. We waited there about 30 minutes and then my friend Pat came to get me. We went into the mammogram room and we took some more shots. Needed to compare post biopsy tumor to yesterday's tumor. Once those were approved, they set up the tray with the numbing solution for the radioactive dye. Let me tell you how nervous I was, I had been warned that this was so so very painful and on a scale of 1-10 it was an 11, so I was freaking out just a little bit.

They placed the cancerous breast into a vice, literally a vice with a square ruler cut out of it.

Step back in time with me a moment , back on my first biopsy I had a Dr. who was one of the nicest Dr's I have ever met. My biopsy was a very difficult one, the tumor was very deep (noticed I used the past tense since my tumor is now a part of the nuclear waste at the hospital now :)) and it required several attempts. One of the reasons was a machine mis calibration.

If you know me well, you know it is not abnormal at all for machines to break when I'm having procedures. This particular day was no different and it really stressed out Dr. E, mis calibrated machines and all.

When we were done he told me it was one of the hardest biopsies he's ever done. He was so apologetic and so nice about the biopsy being a tough one that I think the phone call to me telling me it was cancer was probably a tough one.

He confirmed this yesterday with me as he was injecting the dye. He told me he felt so bad and then when the results came back he just set his head down on the desk and was sad. His ex-wife also had breast cancer, so I think he's quite empathetic.

He told me this entire story and then I asked him when he was putting in the dye and he said "I already did." Can you believe that, I was so anxious about it and I didn't even know he was doing it. He is without a doubt part of the awesome team of Dr's at this breast center. All this was done with my breast vastly secured into spot with the vice.

They then took more pictures until the wire and the pin were lined up and I was ready to go. Not sure where I was going but I was ready!! Wire and pin, did I stump you there? When they do a biopsy they leave a marker or a pin. They have all sorts of crazy names due to the fact that you might have more than one in a breast. I have four in one breast, so they are all different pretzel, butterfly, etc. They are made from titanium and mark the tumor so the rest of the Dr's can find it easily. They place a wire sticking out of the breast touching the pin (I think I didn't go to school for this and this is the information I gathered) as a marker for the surgeon. Some surgeons use a wire that they cover with a cup, my surgeon used a wire that they taped back down to my breast. I got all taped up and grabbed Whitney (poor guy, has his laptop out, his briefcase, coffee, phone and no warning we were leaving-he looked like he was trying to catch a train or something-I felt a little sorry for him) and went down to nuclear medicine.

Unfortunately I was already familiar with nuclear medicine. Did a stint there with my dura explosion a few summers ago. I was NOT excited about revisiting. but par for the course the Dr. was as kind and gentle as possible. We were there (only Whit, Dr, myself and one other woman) for about two hours while the radioactive dye moved from the injection site to the lymph nodes. Whitney stood right there and we talked about our favorite trip destinations. He's great at distracting me and telling me funny stories. It was 2:30ish when we left there and they wheeled me back up to pre op (more FUN elevator rides).

Was assigned to room #8 where they proceeded to hook me up to all the wires and machines. It was at that point that the most painful process took place. They put the needle in my hand for the drip, oh my, I almost came off the bed. Holy cow, but I knew that would also supply the fun juice, so you give a little you get a little!! Started me on a drip and piggy backed an antibiotic. A nurse from gamma came up with her gamma (?) reader to see if the radioactive dye was where it belonged, the machine sounded like a game of pacman. It was funny, but the dye wasn't exactly where they wanted it, so she said she would return. I heard later she was in the OR.

The surgeon dropped by and explained to me again (for the 6000th thousand time) what they were doing and marked me for fun juice. (giant smile inserted here) She's awesome, told me a few more if's and but's and off she went. Shortly there after the anesthesiologist came in and started my fun juice. Pretty much I am history at this point. I know we were in there for a while, Whit says it was about an hour, then they wheeled me off to OR. I do remember seeing the office nurse in there and some bright lights, but that is it.

The most anticipated (aside from the dye injection) was the waking up from anesthesia. In the past I had shook violently, had sweats, chills, thrown up and had no idea where I was. I was absolutely terrified of how this would work out. As it turns out, it was so very pleasant (as far as coming out of anesthesia goes). I had no chills, no nausea, no bright lights, not much of anything. I heard a man saying "Caledonia" and I lifted my fingers and made the peace sign, couldn't quite open my eyes yet, and then he asked if I was in pain. I nodded my head and felt a cold injection in my hand and off I went to sleep some more.

The surgery was over two hours and they removed three lymph nodes. The radioactive dye did what it was supposed to and I didn't require the blue dye. The surgeon came out to Whitney twice he said and was very proud of her incision and the preliminary on the lymph nodes was they appeared to be negative, but path results would take a week. I haven't seen the incision yet, but apparently she was very happy with it and felt I would be too. Then my recovery was about three hours due to the fact that I kept requesting pain medication and they wanted to observe me. I figured the best stuff was at the hospital and I would get it while the getting was good!

I didn't sleep very well last night, but that's not all the surprising. I have been taking my vicodin all day and just taking it easy. All my friends who have called have said the same thing, "you sound so happy." And I am so very happy to have left a part of me at the hospital. The hard part is over, now it's cya time and cya your cya time! (chemo and radiation!)

On the Other Side

This will be short because I know tomorrow I will have time to make all my observations and comments. I did well, did NOT come out of anesthesia all crazy shaking and sick to my stomach, just woke up all calm and ready to go home. I did have a few tears, but I usually do. This, without a doubt, was the best "wake up" ever.

I got home at 9pm. I didn't forget anyone, I got to stay an extra two hours because I kept requesting pain medication :) (if I could do a HUGE smile with all teeth I would insert that here). I used to be conservative on the pain meds and today ECT said screw it, get it while the getting is good. Already dipped into the vicodin too (another huge smile with all teeth showing inserted here). And oh, by the way, it hurts pretty significantly.

When I woke up Dr. New said I wouldn't remember being told my lymph nodes preliminarily looked clean WRONG I remember it!!! I can't possibly find the words to express how happy and relieved I am to have that result. Of course, it could change, but I am going the positive route this go round and hanging to it staying negative.

I know that I have officially left the start line for my pink path and while I won't go as far as to say "I'm happy, but I am damn glad to have left the gate."

And I wonder about those hospital workers, do they dip into the goods, they are the sweetest happiest nicest wonderful people on the planet. They must all valet park! ;0)

I left the huge monkey I've been carrying around at the hospital today, it's good to be back and to be cancerless!!!!

Tomorrow's the Day

I am so ready, I am ready to go have this cancer extracted and then get on with the chemo and radiation and be DONE. This baby is coming out and I can't wait.

I am really ok, I have my outfit picked out and my arm bracelet ready to go. I also have a "pass go and head straight to surgery" ticket that allows me to skip standing in line tomorrow.

Remember that the dye goes in first and then the two surgeries. Sentinel node and lumpectomy and remember that I go in at 9:30am, so it will be a long day. BUT I will be home and you'll hear from me soon.

Before I head off to cancer removal land, I want to take this opportunity to thank Luann, Judy, Cammy, and Julia for scooping me up and fully embracing cancer with me. Kelly, what do I even write, you are my right hand and my left hand and my dearest friend. I want to thank Jutta who made me laugh over eggs and thank God that we work together. I want to thank Shondelle for pushing me so hard these last couple of months to make me strong and ready to go. Thank you Judy for not letting me go alone, I'm so sorry you had to do this too. Thank you Frannah for making me change surgeons and Mom I love you and I really love my new pillow. Jacqui and Frog, got your chocolates and I can't wait to have them tomorrow when I get home. Elizabeth, your book is awesome and I can't wait to read it. Mel, I love to hear your voice and Blythe you always calm me down. Julia, what a God send you are. Luann, are there really any words, you've been there since the very beginning and I love my angel. Marla and Wendy, I miss you very much, Springpark seems like such a lifetime ago, but you will always be with me. Mrs. Rhodes kindergarden class, you can just call me Ta, if that makes praying for me easier.:) Jack and Billie, no one could have better in laws, I know you would be here if you could, I love you both dearly. Debra, thank you so much for including me this weekend, your friends are so loving and made me laugh. Peg, you crack me up and keep me real, thank you. Dee, thank you for checking on me and taking care of William. Fru, I love chatting with you and can't wait to see you again. Tancie, your texts make me smile and Brandt I hope you are better soon. Lori, you always make me feel loved and I know you pray for me. Gail thank you for walking a VERY long way with mine and Monica's name on a poster, the entire walk! Kristen I am so glad we are in each others lives again. Kennedy thank you for always checking on me, even if I'm in full ECT mode! Elizabeth, I would give anything to walk with you every night again, but I know you are always by my side. Teresa I value your advice and admire your courage, I hope I am as strong as you are. Yvonne, I can hardly type your name without getting teary eyed, dear sweet friend. Stacey, you are an awesome sister and I love you. Carol, you keep me so grounded and I count on you for so much. Gloria, you are the best neighbor and I love your beautiful flowers. Cindy-penguins rule! Tarra and Jackie you really are my cheering section. William you did an incredible job of keeping me laughing this weekend and Nick you are my baby. Whitney you are the best husband in the world and I am a very lucky girl. Daddy, I miss you so very much. Just needed to say all of that before I head off at removal land.

Love and hugs!!

Got the Time

I finally got the time, the magical moment of cancer extraction will begin at 9:30am on Tuesday. Remind me next time I want to schedule a surgery that the day after a holiday isn't the best time to do it, for a couple of reasons.

First is takes away from the "holiday." I mean I get it isn't Christmas or Thanksgiving, but it's one of the 10 "free" paid holidays a year. It also means relaxing prior to a holiday is out for possibilities on this particular labor day. I've been a labor day widow for years, the boys go hunting, which I rrrrreallly look forward too every year. They get their time, I get my time, it works. Unless you have cancer.

Second, relaxing. Relaxing before a surgery, I just can't seem to make it work. I'm pulling out all of my tricks. Having dinner with friends, seeing a movie, going to a tailgate party (and NOT drinking-sigh) and rearranging my closet. That has to be a first for me, rearranging my closet on a holiday weekend.

Third, everyone I know is having fun this weekend. I am not unreasonable. I want all my friends and family to have fun this weekend, I just don't want to be left standing at the station. IF you're reading this and we're doing something this weekend, don't be offended, I am just feeling sorry for myself right this second and I am very much looking forward to all of my plans.

So, happy labor day weekend everyone, enjoy!!!! And guess what I saw today, a HUGE fight in the grocery parking lot between two women, they were screaming at each other. I chuckled to myself because I wasn't involved and it validated to me that there are just crazy ass people in the parking lots of grocery stores sometimes.....then I got in the car and thought...........dear Lord, please don't let one of those women have cancer.

Early Morning Fun

Here I sit in the hospital waiting room for my appointment today. I have no idea why I am here. Since I started typing that I was called into the "office" and filled out some more paperwork and paid my bill. I bet that's why I'm here, to pay the bill.

Now I'm in waiting room #2. The anesthesiologist has come in and consulted with me (sort of) and I've been given a set of papers to fill out. One of them is a living will. Holy crap, it's tough to stay positive signing that ahead of time!! I mean I get it and I understand why I'm signing it, but it does allow for your mind to wander.

Thank goodness I brought the laptop or my mind would be down a dark path right now. I am being positive and keeping my faith, but at this exact moment in time I am scared and nervous about "going under". I guess more appropriately I am nervous and scared about "waking up".

Again, I know that I will be fine, I have done all the proper mental exercises, seeing my children get married, waiting for a kiss from Whit when I wake up, mentally planning the next weeks,months, years, etc. but there is only so much my little positive attitude can take and this is stretching it. I wish it wasn't a holiday weekend. Whitney and Nick are going on their annual hunting trip to Texas and I can't wait for them to go and have a blast, they need it. William and I have a fun weekend planned. Football games and lunch with dear friends, brunch with more friends and a movie with another. I am just nervous.

Here's the good news, no wait, great news, I CAN take the xanax all weekend with no effect on the surgery at all. Praise Jesus!!

Waiting for the nurse to come chat with me, just waiting.............we're all in these rooms. Five of us walked back (and we all have cancer) to waiting room #2 and then we were all hustled into a room to wait. I think they are extremely efficient, it just makes me sad that there are five of us that even have to come to the hospital and have this discussion. I know they all have cancer because my waiting room was labeled "Cancer surgery", probably just different kinds of cancers.

Oh dear, still waiting. You know this whole time I've only broken down and really cried once. It seems that the longer I sit here, the more my eyes fill with tears..............NOT a good place to fall apart...............or maybe it is, I think they are all trained for this!

Let's think funny, I'm reading the Cancer Vixen that my new friend Diane sent me, it's very funny but it's on the kitchen counter and not in my hand right now. Maybe I should google "funny" and see what come up. Sickness is like parenting it's a series of distractions. When the kid is throwing a fit, you distract them. When the sick are down, you distract them.

Or I could check out the drama at the nurses station since I'm sitting in a room with a patio sliding door and it's open and I can see the nurses really chatting it up right now. Wait, here comes someone, stopping at the door, looking aaaannnnnnnnnnndddddddddd (this is in real time, I'm stalling) walked by (crap, want to be done with this).

Here's another, looking slowing down looking reading walking stopping looking smiling at me. But it was one of those pitiful "we'll get to you" smiles.

One of my sweetest friends in the universe just sent me a "thinking of you" email. Elizabeth you are a mind reader and I miss you so much. I miss our walks and our talks and your logical well thought out mind, but I feel you with me right now and I am just a bit calmer. (Ok I am laughing, I re read that and it sounded so summer novel exert, if you are wanting to puke right now that would be understandable) BUT I MEAN it!! I can't help it, I LOVE and CHERISH all of my friends who just "know" I need them. Where would I be without them?

And I'm still sitting here. I haven't signed this living will, waiting until I'm forced too. I guess that's my stubborn streak, my "I AM in charge" here attempt. Did I mention I had two full cups of coffee before I came and I have not seen a restroom?? Another plus for the day, lost 2 lbs last week. Even after my three day binge.

Teresa was talking about the legal system and jury duty in her blog yesterday, I think I could go off on the hospital system for a while too. I mean they are as slow as molasses and they all have jobs. I wish everyone's job could be slow and slow and still around.

Looking around this "room" it must be someone's office, there is a calendar with "Erika and Steve" wedding picture hanging on the wall and two pictures of three cats. I guess Erika wanted to marry Steve, they are kissing and she is practically doing a headstand, sure wish I had been that limber during the 105 year old sweet lady kiss. Steve is about to fall flat on his face, it was probably the photographers idea of a romantic pose or something and obviously they liked it because the one picture takes up both September and October but from a strangers point of view it really looks like she is doing third grade back bend to avoid a kiss.

So there's really nothing left to make fun of, I think I'll go in search of a restroom.

WOW, I didn't see the poster behind me, it's titled "The Wizard Of Oz" and it's a cartoon type drawing of the movie. It's like a unicorn poster, Rainbows and fairies and flowers and the good fairy and the bad witch and of course Dorothy and her three side kicks. Maybe I'm the only one who finds this ODD. I certainly don't want to associate the hospital with land of Oz. They kinda had their heads up their asses and lived in a crazy world. I would NOT want my hospital to parallel that at all. If it was a dentist's office it would make more sense, laughing gas and all, but this is a serious hospital, the cancer section.

The Wizard of Oz always reminds me of my Dad, maybe he's letting me know he's around because I'm pretty sure this is the only patio office with this poster. Going to check it out and see if a wandering around patient will get more response than a patient on their laptop.

Looking for a restroom.

"Ma'am where's the restroom?"

"Do we need a specimen?"

"I don't know."

"Why don't you know?"

"Because no one has said anything to me."

"What room are you?"

"Seven" (Note I am standing in the door just to the right of the HUGE #7 on the door)

"Hold on."

Ok, I'll hold on. I have only been here for 1 1/2 hrs and had two cups of coffee and been stuck in room #7 for 30 min., but I'm waiting. Now I know how my dog (Buddy) feels when I'm a little late getting home.

"Ok, you can relieve your bladder"

I actually chucked out loud. I haven't heard that phrase since I was pregnant. Goody a nurse just stuck her head in and said "I'll be with you shortly (and then did the eye bug out look). I think that was to indicate that "shortly" was a loosely used term OR she has no control over the time issue. But it wasn't Erika, maybe she has the day off and is spending it with Steve.

Here's comes the lady who stuck her head in and said "shortly" 27 minutes later. We're moving to room #4, apparently there has been a slight mix up. They have me down for the breast center (logical) and it's supposed to be outpatient. I said "Oh, is that why you lost me for a while?" and in unison two nurses responded with "We never lost you." Humm, disagree I've been here a long time.

So once in room #4 we filled out paper work and more paper work. Please note that there were no rainbows, fairies, talking lions or scarecrows who lost their nerves on the walls. Just a coffee cup filled with pens. Whew, that actually made me feel better!

And for the record, I was right, I didn't need to sign the living will since I have one already. That was actually the reason I didn't want too, I didn't want it to precede my other one. We went over all the instruction of pre bathing, eating, medicating, and driving and I went on my merry way.

I'm official, calling on Friday to get surgery time. It's such a soap opera, there is always that little bit of information they hold from you to keep you staying tuned!

Enough Already

This morning I was walking with my dear friend Judy (we missed you Luann!) and we were talking about (guess) my surgery and here was her comment, it was PERFECT summed up exactly how I feel right now.

"Well Donita, you've been in labor for three months now, enough already, it's time to get the crow bar out."

Isn't that just hysterical??? I thought it was and for those of you who are wondering, that is what I feel about the upcoming surgery on Tuesday, enough already!!!

Kissy Kissy

ECT has been out again, she’s really hard to keep under lock and key sometimes. She first resurfaced a few days ago. I was somewhere and ran into an acquaintance, let me stress acquaintance, and not only an acquaintance, but a 105 year old acquaintance. Ok, not really 105, she’s probably about 95.

She is the sweetest lady in the world and she is worried about me. She grabbed my cheeks and she held my head with her hands and came right in for a kiss ON THE MOUTH. Since I didn’t really plan on that or have the time to turn my head, I got a big smack right on the mouth from the sweet 105 year old acquaintance. Wow, that was a shocker.

I am a little bit of a huggy person, but I am NOT a kissy person. I live in South Florida and everyone here is a kissy person. I never get it right either....... is it one cheek......two air cheeks........four real cheeks, it is a very frustrating experience and there is even the occasional mouth kisser,which is always shocking. I have spent four years of mentally preparing myself for the daily kissy kissy I thought I had improved and actually gotten a little bit used to the kissy kissy. Although now it seems clear that I wasn’t as far along on the kissy kissy progress as I thought. I came to this realization when 105 year old sweet old lady came in for a landing a second time and ECT yanked her mouth away pretty fast. SO fast that it caught 105 year old sweet old lady off guard and she looked a little hurt. However, not hurt enough to settle for the clear withdrawal, she was bound and determined to get in one way or another, so she settled for a half cheek half mouth second kissy kissy.

It was at this point that ECT re-entered the world and reared her head taking three giant steps backwards, almost exiting the building. It really took everything in me not to turn and run out the door as fast as possible. I mean she’s 105 would she really remember? She definitely couldn’t catch me…thank goodness I had a save and someone else came up and distracted her. It was the silent get away. I have already made a mental note to avoid any personal contact with the sweet 105 year old lady, I love support but I don’t love kissy kissy on the mouth kisses from virtual strangers!!!

Then today I was at BJ’s (again, it’s a store like Costco or Sams) and I had my cart full of my goodies. When I got to my car a gentleman (loosely defined) had finished unloading his basket and pushed his cart behind my car not on the side but directly behind my car.

“Sir, is this your cart?” ECT questioned

“Yes you can have it.” Grumpy old man

“I don’t want it, I have my own” and ECT moved the cart from behind my car to behind his car.

Grumpy old man rolls down the window, “you just gonna leave it there?”

ECT “yes, it’s not my cart, it’s your cart.”

He gets out of the car and starts yelling at the cart guy to get the cart.

Grumpy old man “Hey you, are you going to get this cart” he screams to the cart boy.

“No sir, I’m getting the carts from people who know how to put them up.” Very funny cart boy responds.

Whahahahahhah ECT is actually laughing out loud!!

“Grumpy old man gets out of his car and pushes the cart into the car on the other side of his car, denting the car. Jumps back in his car, rolls down the window and shares the following wisdom.

“You know what I learned today, I learned you’re a cunt.” Says grumpy old man (and he was so proud of himself for saying that).

ECT “You know what I learned today, I learned your Mama failed to teach you any manners Sir."

And he drove off.

When I got to my workout, Shondelle was commenting she wondered why I attract these kind of situations. I personally think it’s because ECT holds everyone responsible for their actions. I guess that’s one of the advantages of having cancer, holding people responsible. Doesn’t always work out for me, but what else would I blog about lately?? You would tire so about reading of my endless waiting for the surgery date to finally arrive (next Tuesday).

So I made an old man really mad today (because HE didn’t put up HIS cart) and then someone made me really happy today. One of my friends from high school, his wife had cancer and just finished all her treatments. I haven’t talked to him in 20 plus years and don’t know his wife at all. We hooked up (thanks Jennifer) and now have had several awesome conversations. She’s the one that said “pink path” to me. Anyway, I got my mail today and in it was a package from her with the book Cancer Vixen in it and a wonderful little note. (She blogs also and some of hers published in the NY Post blog section Yay!!!)

So after being called a “c” by a complete strange, another stranger (not for long) will forever hold a place in my heart for her random act of kindness. I hope someday I can do that for someone and make her day the way she made mine. Thank you again Diane you are such a Angel to me and many prayers to you for continued healing and strength for recovery from your current pink path.