Up to FIVE!!!

I went to the last "fitting" for the radiologist today. I was pretty sure I had missed the hospital and landed at NASA instead, holy moly, this machine is incredible. I seriously thought it was going to open up and start feeding me or something, I have never seen such a thing. Gigantic robot.

I get there and my friend with the large belly comes out to get me in his Hawaiian scrubs (ok, maybe Florida scrubs) and he's his regular chatty self. We do the same routine, I change into my robe and leave it open in the back.

I lay on the table and boom, the robe is off and folded at my waist. I mean really, can't you buy me a drink or something first?? Then he starts chatting about the ProBowl and if I'm going, etc. Dude, really, my breasts are completely exposed and we're talking about football, this has to be part of a bad SNL skit. We finish and he sends me to a waiting room. I still have on the robe (which he so graciously tied for me-in the back) and I have my shirt and bra and hat in my purse. Well, sort of, if you saw my purse you would think it would be large enough to hold all of those things, but not really, all of that is balanced on the top of my purse.

I had no idea the waiting room was co-ed. Yes, I had seen men there and I knew they did all radiation, I just didn't think that far in advance. I walked in the co-ed waiting room and must have been a bit startled because I dropped my purse and onto the floor fell my bra (of course) and shirt and hat. A very nice gentleman picked up my bra and handed it to me, I just about died. They all just looked at me as I turned bright red. How I wish I had a disappearing cloak at that moment in time.

I got all "settled" and in comes a woman in her wheel chair and she says "good morning all" and EVERYONE in the room (except for me) responds with a "good morning". Now I am thinking fabulous, it's a social club and I've made such a grand entrance. Of course, I am used to it, it's how it always works for me. In college I was a pro at tripping on the stairs with all my books in hand, bow in hair, and of course my letters on.....come to think of it I am a SNL skit!

AND to top it off, the men in the room were like my Dad's age and all sorts of backgrounds. I know they didn't care, they may have chuckled, but it sure was embarrassing.

They came to get me quickly (thank goodness)and took me back to this machine. I swear it could put in your make up, do your hair, feed you breakfast, get you dressed, it was like a human. I guess this is good, they don't want the radiation going anywhere it's not supposed too. Then I got in the normal position of waist high robe and hands above my head.

Then the funniest thing happened, I could see my shadow on the wall, like an overhead projector, and I got so tickled. I am not a 16 year old boy so I have no idea why I was so tickled with the shadow of my breast on the wall, but I was hysterical, tears running down my face. They kept asking me if I was ok and I was waaaayyyy to embarrassed to say I'm laughing at the shadow of my breast on the wall. I don't know why it was so funny, probably the icing on the cake for me as far as just being "exposed" goes. I did finally compose myself and they were able to give me my last two tattoos.

The fun begins on Monday at 8:30, and lasts for the next M-F 28 sessions.....

I'm Tough, really.....

Wow, does this port removal hurt. I should have known, Whit asked the Dr. if it would be a "risky" procedure and the Dr's answer was "we just have to separate the tissue from the port." Whit said this morning, he knew at that point I would be in some pain. And he is right, I think I now know what it feels like to have a bullet removed, seriously.

I am better today, very sore and not moving around much, driving with one hand. I feel like I will be regular tomorrow. I have my last "fitting" for the radiation thing (sure there is a better word for it) and I start 2/1 for 28 sessions.

Short update, can't type much, it hurts my arm!

Home From the Hospital

Everything went great today, I got there at 7:30am and was home at 1pm. I'm a little groggy and sleepy and my stitches are a little sore, but I am so EXCITED to have no port!

I start my radiation 2/1 and will go five days a week for 28 sessions. Although I am sure it will fall off track at some point. They say I will be tired, burned, and nausea. I am sure it is way easier than chemo, so I'm up for it.

I did feel right at home with the crew, same crew all three times with the port, and they are wonderful and funny and they were so loving with me, encouraging and telling me that I would do great through radiation. Those kind of comments really help!

I have four or five new hairs, rock on!!! :)

Getting My Port Out Tomorrow

I'm happy I get my port out tomorrow. I'm not happy I have to go to the hospital and have a procedure done and be "twilighted" and cut open and stitched up, but I get my port OUT!!!

I can't wait to not feel this stupid wire and funky looking things with steel balls on it. If they ask me if I want to keep it, I'm going to say "NO!"

I have lots more to say, but William needs me and you know my job as Mom comes first, so I'll have to write more later.

Say lots of prayers that it will be fast and easy tomorrow!!!

Awesome Support Group

Went to lunch today with my wonderful friends who have been taking care of me for a few months now. As I sat at the table with the most five wonderful women in south Florida I realized (again) what a blessed and lucky girl I am to have such wonderful friends. We had a great lunch and laughed and cried and blew our kazoo's. So much fun, thank you sweet wonderful friends.

I have a question for you all, unrelated to me.

If you see someone going down a path that you are pretty sure will end in a train wreck, possibly ruin their career and life, do you tell them? And then if you do tell them, should you expect to be completely shut out of their life? Do you take comfort in knowing that even if they never speak to you again you may have helped anyway?

I just don't know what to do!

I'm So Happy!!!

Oh my I am so happy I could burst. I get my port out on Tuesday YAY!!!!!

Happy dance happy dance happy dance!!

Then I go on Thursday for my ct scan (last one) where they put me on the radiation machine and get me all set up. Then I start radiation on Feb. 1, Monday. Technically I should be done March 10th, but realistically I know it won't be that date. Hopefully it's not too much later than that!

Ok, real life has set in, my dog ate a bag of hershey's kisses, must attend to that!!

It's True I'm done with Chemo

I had my appointment today with my oncologist to confirm that I am, indeed, done with chemo!! She wrote my script to get out my port, and they drew blood a few times. They are hoping (and I'm praying) that the port comes out in the next 7 days, or at least that's how long my blood they drew is good for, I guess they are checking for the ability of clotting. (There's a better word for that and I know what it is, but I can't get spell check to find it, so I'm leaving it out!)

They said I am post menopausal and I was curious what that meant, so I asked "what does post menopausal mean?" and ( I really like this nurse practitioner, she is really very sweet and helpful) and her answer was "it's not peri-menopausal and it's not premenopausal it's post menopause." Ok, that told me nothing, what happened to menopause, did I just skip over it, was it masked under my chemo so I didn't recognize it?

They warned me when I started chemo that I would come to the menopause cliff and be pushed off, so I was expecting them to tell me, "your in menopause" you know that cliff you jumped off of, but now I'm just post menopausal and again am a little foggy on what exactly that means. I get it means I can't get pregnant (thank goodness) and I get that I'm "changed" but no one seems to know exactly what that means.

I came home and looked it up and of course, it was as clear as mud. At the end of the day, I am post menopausal and I guess I slept through the rest of it. I am only having hot flashes, a few at night, and that seems to be my only side effect.

That would be all I learned today!!

Haiti Update

The orphanage in Haiti is ok, the building is ok and everyone is alive, praise be!!! Thank you for all the prayers. Please donate if you can!!

Btw, I am fine today, had lunch with a wonderful person and Nick got a tooth pulled. We're going to have a quiet MLK weekend and enjoy each other. My taste buds are improving (still can't taste chocolate) and my eyes are puffy and annoying but I am fine.

Happy MLK!!!!

Exposed!

First things first, I heard that they know John is ok, he is the man who runs the orphanage in Haiti that our church sponsors. They think the children are ok too, but waiting for more updates. Please keep praying for all the brothers and sisters in Haiti. Where I live (just a few miles south of Ft. Lauderdale, FL) we have the highest population of Haitians in the USA, so many have been affected and need any donations you may have available.

Let me just say, I have no idea why people say the things they say to me. I have always been that way, people just say crazy things to me. I think there is a neon sign above my head that says "go ahead and say anything, I won't react". I wish I had been armed with the information about hats and women in church prior to going into church. I had a friend tell me that women are never required to take their hats off, another friend tell me that in the Catholic church head dress used to be required, so I have no idea who this man was or why he was being so ridiculous. These situations seem to happen a lot to me, but each one is a learning experience.

For example I learned that men don't like me to be sad, they just want to 1) solve the problem 2) make me laugh. Women want to 1) discuss it 2) weigh options 3) empathize with me and 4) get a general consensus and let me say I need ALL of these six options lately!

Yesterday I spent the entire day at the hospital. I had to be there at 6:30am to get my echocardiogram and back at 12:30 for the radiologist. Foreshadowing.....there is just no bashfulness allowed with this crowd.

I got to the hospital for the echo and was taken back to the "area" where they do it by a very nice Asian-American man. We went into a little room and he said, "Everything off waist up." (btw, it's chilly in there). I get changed and in he comes. Last time there was a nurse in there (female) the entire time. Not that I'm suggesting anything odd, I'm just saying there was two people there.

I'm going to get a little graphic, so if you don't want to know, stop reading.

I'm up on the bed and he's got the sonogram thing and he's got my robe open with a warm blanket (one thing I LOVE about hospitals-warm blankets) covering my breasts. Then he puts the gel on (not warmed gel that I'm used to) and bam, goes straight to the heart spot. My blanket falls on the floor and he just leaves it there.

I am wrestling with whether or not to ask him to pick up the blanket or not and he's pressing and pressing and pressing with this sonogram reader thing. Apparently he's not interested in viewing the exposed breast, he is interested in making sure that the sonogram thing is pressed so hard against me that I'm just sure it's going to burst through my skin and go straight to my heart, for a really thorough view.

Then I am not positioned right so he keeps moving me. No blanket, still on floor and when he moves me he keeps using my breast as a "handle" to move me and his hands are very cold. Again, I can clearly tell he's not interested, it was just rather uncomfortable. I don't even know this man's name and he's rearranging me using my exposed breasts. Uncomfortable. I know that people at the hospital don't care, but I care, usually you have to do something nice to get that view.

Then he says "bleeeee" and I was like "what??"

"Bleeeee"

No reaction from me, is he saying "bleed" what the hell is he saying? He's getting very annoyed with me.

"Bleeee, bleeee, bleeee," and finally he breathes in and out.

"Oh, you want me to breathe"

Sure, I'll breathe, why not, I couldn't be any more uncomfortable at this point, what's a little breathing?

I go back to the hospital for my radiation appointment and Ted comes out to get me. We go back to the ct room for a ct scan, a little bit different than the regular scan and he's explaining to me the difference. He tells me to undress from the waist up and lay down on the "bed" for the scanner. He tells me to leave the ties in the back. Good, that's better than this morning's events I think.

He disappears and comes back later and gets me positioned on the scanner bed. I'm laying there and he takes the robe and takes both of my arms out of the robe and folds the robe down at my waist. What the hell, again, really? Why didn't you just have me leave it open in the front?

My robe is now turned down at my waist and he's positioning my arms above my head. He's a little chubby and while he's doing this his tummy rubs up again my breast. OMG, it was so uncomfortable. Not for him, he probably didn't even know it he sees breasts all day long, but for me it was the second exposure of the day. He gets me all situated and says, "let me call the Dr in", and he disappears for a while.

I just lay there on the scanner bed, breasts exposed, arms above my head. It was at that point that I thought, wow, this is just like childbirth, everything out there for everyone to see. I'd like to see them do that to a male in his lower areas, you know, just put it out on the table and position everything and then leave the room. How do you think that would work out? Especially if a female nurse did it??

Anyway, the Dr. comes in and she and Ted and discussing my breasts, like I'm not there. "Oh yes, this looks great, here and here and here and oh yes that's a good spot and this is perfect." Then she leaves and he gets out a GIGANTIC needle and starts tattooing away. Once he's done, we go onto to discuss his wife and his tattoo and blahblahblah, breasts still exposed.

I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I know at this point I should be over being bashful, but wow, let's just put it all out there. And I forgot, they take a PICTURE of everyone's breasts. They took the first one and it didn't come out, so they came back and took a second one. What exactly is Ted doing with all those pictures of all the breasts??!!??!!

Bottom of the "U"

I had a bad day yesterday, it didn't improve, I had more crazy things happen. But as bad as my day was yesterday, it pales in comparison to Haiti. Many prayers for those in Haiti and those on the way to Haiti. Our church has an orphanage there, and I'm fearing the worst, please pray for those poor children and John, the man who runs the orphanage.

After I blogged yesterday, I wished a new friend of mine happy birthday via text. We're friends because she has breast cancer and works with my cousin in Alabama, so we've bonded and we exchange emails and texts, etc. I got a text back from her telling me it wasn't her birthday and she asked me how I knew, I said my cousin had mentioned it to me. Then she asked who my cousin was and I was like "really, how bad is your chemo, you work with her" and then she said, "Donita, this is another Suzy that you know from Hollywood, FL" and I was so embarrassed, I have two Suzy's in a row who's last name both start with W's and I just hit the first one not paying attention.

I went on to ask her how she was, come to find out her husband died (young, a little older than me) from stage 4 colon cancer in December. I couldn't believe it, another cancer victim. Cancer ties us all together and that just made me so sad, AGAIN. I cried so much yesterday my eyes were puffy this morning.

I just hope I didn't make the Suzy from Hollywood, FL sad yesterday, what an idiot I am. Yesterday just reminded me of something our friend said at Pheasant Fest on Saturday night. He said "we're at the bottom of the U". I was like "what??"

He went on to explain that our life was like the letter U and we start with being born on the top of the U and go from there, so in our 40's and 50's we're at the bottom of the U, the hardest, most challenging time of our life. Then we get to go back up the U and supposedly you are as happy at 8 as you are 75. I definitely feel like I'm at the bottom of the U.

I have already been to the hospital this morning, reported there at 6:30AM for another echocardiogram to compare it with the one prior to chemo. I hope it comes out ok, he wouldn't tell me anything. I go at 12:30 back to the hospital to get a CT scan for my radiation template and I get the radiation tattoos. I should have never said I would NEVER get a tattoo. It is true, every time I say that it happens! I hope it doesn't hurt!! I have more appointments next week and I'm hoping to get the orders to take out this flippin port!

Again, pray for your brothers and sisters in Haiti, please.

How Things Change

I just have so many thoughts swimming around in my mind I can't even really know where to start. I think at the end of the day they are about cancer, in some form or fashion.

I went to see William's award ceremony for his honor roll and I am just so proud of him I want to burst. He plays two sports and is #9 in his class. He doesn't get home until 6-7pm and then cracks open the books and studies until bed time and smiles the whole time. He's such a delight, he's always been such a happy person, as a baby those dimples were always showing. He's so flexible and every day when he gets in the car he says "Mom, how was your day?" I think that's huge, he's a teenager! So I was just beaming with pride, sitting in the Catholic church (he goes to a small Catholic private school), listening to all the achievements of those wonderful children.

I was also a little proud of myself for just hoping in the car and not thinking twice about how I looked, threw on the hat (and of course my matching outfit-come on-I haven't changed that much) and went to the sanctuary. I was sitting there just beaming when I got a tap on the shoulder (and let me disclaim I have NO idea who this person was-NEVER seen them before) and asked to take my hat off inside the building.

It was such a moment of sheer terror for me. Here I was in front of the ENTIRE high school where my son attends and this person wanted me to take my hat off, I just sat frozen not knowing what to do. So the person asks me again, "hat off in the building" and I just smiled and lifted my hat off enough to show that I was bald, not disrespectful, and then put it back on my head. I sunk so low in my seat. I was hoping that no one had seen that, especially William.

I have to give the school credit. I could walk into the school bald and shiny and it is such a loving school that only a few would make fun or me or say something to William.

The reason I sunk so low in my seat was because it just takes one second to remember that I'm going through all of this, one second to be knocked out of emotional control. In two seconds I went from being the most proud Mom in there to the most humiliated Mom and I had no control over it.

Then, it was like William knew, they called his name and he didn't go up for his pin. He'd already been up there for his certificate. I thought "oh no, he knows". Of course, he had no idea, typical teenager spaced it and just didn't hear his name.

I got in the car and was ok, I wasn't emotional or anything. I remembered my dear sweet friend was having her last chemo treatment today and I drive by that building on the way to the high school, so I headed her way, I wanted to surprise her and go in and be with her. I got all the way to the parking lot and I couldn't go in.

I don't know why I couldn't go in, I just sat in the car and cried. I've been having association nausea and the first time I drove by the building I did ok, but not this time, I thought I was going to loose it in the parking lot and that is NOT helpful to those inside the building. They do NOT want to see someone puking on the parking lot, so I left.

Then I thought of my Dad. He had cancer, he had cancer the year Nick was born and he went on to live another 13 years without cancer. All of a sudden I wanted to speak to him, I wanted to tell him so many things about me, about William, about Nick, about Whit, about Florida, about so many things. He would be so proud of William and I know he would be proud of me and how I have handled everything. It made me so very sad.

How things change, I knew I hadn't blogged in a few days (because those who read it a lot told me, you haven't blogged in a few days :)) and this morning in the shower (that's where I do my greatest thinking-keep a sharpee right there to write on the shower door when those ideas pop into my head) and I was thinking I was going to write about how grateful I was. My morning was a good morning and I was feeling up and chipper.

Maybe tomorrow.............

Second Chance

The nation has been under crippling cold this week and that includes way south in South Florida, I have gotten to wear my Dallas clothes all week, which is fun, and my heater has been on (which until last week I didn't even know I had one that worked) so I feel like I've "accomplished" winter and I haven't done that since leaving Dallas.

I have enjoyed this weeks weather but I sure am not set up to live anywhere cold again, my body didn't enjoy it as much. Have more aches and pains than I recall, or maybe the warm weather has really been a blessing. Actually, living in Florida has been a blessing in so many ways. I thank God every day for sending us to this crazy lazy beach town that we adore!

One of the many blessings of living here are the wonderful new friendships I have developed, I can't imagine life without these sweet friends. I walked today down at the beach, haven't done that since before Christmas and the water was beautiful, I love being at the beach!! I enjoyed the walk and I think it I'm crazy not to get my bum down to the beach every day, it's so close, I can see it from my bedroom and yet there are weeks I don't get down there.

I had such a wonderful lunch today. I went over to a friend's house and she cooked us lunch, we sat on the patio and had a wonderful time. The sun was shining and warm, felt so good my feet in the grass, birds chirping and enjoying delicious food. We just giggled and giggled, breathing slow, it was so very relaxing.

On my way home it occurred to me, such a silly way we live life, running around like chickens with our heads cut off, always going and going and going and it's still not enough. Why do we do it, society is way out of control, in my opinion. I'm guilty too, big time.

If I can use my experience with breast cancer as an aid to anyone. I am the typical clique, someone who's gotten a second chance, so I'm going to be predictable right now.

Slow down.......... listen to people when they talk to you. Don't read your blackberry or Iphone when someone is talking to you, you're not that important-you can read the email in 10-15 minutes. Don't answer a text, look at then and listen. Slow down.............enjoy your family and friends, make time for them. Slow down...............go outside and breath every day, slow and relaxing. And if you love someone, tell them ALL the time, hug them, kiss them. Slow down.............don't cut off that person on the road, let them in. Talk to your mailman and your grocer and your lawn guy and your housekeeper and talk to them nicely.

Smile, laugh and love!

You wonder.......

When you blog (unless someone sends you a message, comments on the blog, or tell you "I read your blog") you wonder if you are just writing out there to a big gigantic "writing land" or if someone is actually following.

I originally started blogging for me, because I had feelings that I didn't know what to do with, and because I knew that it was going to be hard to be positive all the time and I knew that would be expected of me.

What I have come to realize is my blog is my lifeline. I rely so heavily on comments, they really are my support system. Thank you, thank you for taking the time to 1) read my blog 2) keep up with my blog 3) be my support system.

I do feel like I have hundreds of arms holding me up and it's why I know I can do 28 radiations and I did four chemo's and it's ok that I'm bald and it's ok that I can't drive my kids to everything and be at everything and it's ok for me to miss the things I love because I know that when I'm done all those things I love will still be there for me.

I can do this, right?

Chemo is out of the way (happy dance, happy dance) and now it's onto radiation. HUGE SIGH................28 treatments.

Met my Dr. for radiology, she's very nice and positive and sweet and knows what she's doing. I have no reason not to like her, and I do like her as a person. As a Dr. I don't like her at all because she told me that I have 28 treatments. As you know, you can't just jump into treatments, you have 1000 things leading up to the treatments.

I'd like to take the Dick Bath (not a joke, my Dad) approach. I'd like to say "Give me an F" and you can figure out the rest.........and tell them NO NO NO NO NO I am not doing anything else. Thank goodness I can be rebellious on here, because I am feeling very ECT tonight. I am feeling very "I am NOT going to do anything else, go to hell" but smiling of course, that giant Garfield smile.

When the Dr. was talking today at one point all I heard was "blahblahblahblah" and all I could smell was the hospital smell, that is a terrible smell, and I get to smell it 28 times. But you know it will be more than 28 times, it will be 30 plus times because you know something will happen, it will be some president's very important day off and all offices will be closed or the roads will flood or someone's beloved will pass or their dog ate their homework, some crap.

My friend who went through this two years ago said her "brain just hurt" from all the overload of information, I get that, my brain is starting to hurt.......

They say venting doesn't really help..................... whatever!!

Next Chapter

I'm done, no more for me, I've satisfied the amount required and I'm not doing anymore chemo. I am done thinking, praying, weighing, guessing, my head aches I'm DONE with chemo.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the radiologist. I have several appointments coming up, I have another echo in a few weeks to compare the previous with this one to make sure my heart is still hanging in there. I also have a mammogram in March.

When I called to get the radiologist appointment, their first appointment was in February and I will have to say I was pretty excited to have a month "off". Then she put me on hold and she came back so gleefully to tell me there had been a cancellation for TOMORROW, wasn't I lucky and could I come in.

ECT was like "NO, busy tomorrow" and then Donita came through and booked it. Not exactly the wait I was hoping for....but that's why I booked it.........I know I need to get going.

I do feel better this time, I am up and about, not leaving the house-terrified of getting sick. I'm hanging as close to the home as I can until I'm forced out.

Yesterday Whitney and William went to play golf and ran into someone from church there and Whitney told me the guy asked "why weren't you in church".

I just went off, it's a darn good thing that I wasn't standing there, probably would have had the entire church buzzing.

What.........what do you mean "why weren't you in church". I had CHEMO on Tuesday dude, TUESDAY. Not really up to church (or anything) on Sunday not to mention your 1000000 germs that everyone hugs and touches and asks and hugs and coughs and don't wash their hands, really, do you live under a rock, have you not read the 100 emails about Donita and her cancer?????

WHew, fell better now!!!

Happy?? New Year

I sit here today, January 2, 2010, contemplating the decisions that sit in front of me. While doing this, I thought back through the years. Ten years ago today I was sitting in Lake Tahoe, California with my husband, two sons, brother celebrating the coming of the year 2000.

Much has changed in 10 years, some expected, some a great surprise, some very sad, some very happy. Had you told me ten years ago I would be living in Hollywood, Fl and I was bald from chemo, I would have told you you are one crazy son of a gun. I'd never even been to Florida, why in the world would I live there? I certainly wouldn't get any cancer at 41, no one in my family has breast cancer................but guess what............I live in Hollywood, FL and I'm bald as a coot.

I guess what makes my decision so hard is that there is no right answer, if there was, then there would be a cure and we wouldn't have the thousands of Race for the Cure events. But there is no cure, it's methodically guessed and researched what might cure your breast cancer. So when I make my decision, I will never know if my decision is a correct one or not.

I guess this is a time when faith will be put to the ultimate test for me, I will have to have faith that my decision is the right decision and regardless of what happens in 10 years, I have to know that my decision was the right decision at that time.

I have a good faith base, I've always had faith in my life, but WOW, this is really testing me. I don't have anything to go on other than suggestions and possibilities and odds. We've established (if you know me well) that odds play in my court, not always in my favor, but I'm good with the odds. That gives me some sense of security. We're back, we're back at just relying on FAITH.

What makes it hard is I'm a knowledge person, I like to read, study, understand and make an informed decision. I like to have all points of view but I am at the point that I just have to hand this over to a higher source. I have studied, read, asked, done, questioned, cried, and believed.

Wow, getting married, where to go to college, having babies, buying a home, all those decisions are really very easy compared to this one.

I'm finding myself not very "happy" and it's hard to say "happy New Year" and mean it (for me). I mean it for all of my friends/family, but for me, it's just not that happy. I'm not depressed or freaking out, I'm just reflecting. I don't sit and whine that I've had the cancer or wonder "why me" but I'm not as excited as I usually am about the adventures of a new year. Probably because none of the adventures were chosen. Like the adventure of being allergic to the glue in wigs, or breaking out in hats, or being bald, or having chemo, or having radiation, or having cancer, I'm thinking it all pretty much sucks. I'm a little disappointed in myself for not being more positive.

Maybe I'll have my New Year in June when I'm not wearing a head piece, I'm not at the doctors getting some sort of chemicals put in my body, and I'm holding a "your clear right now" piece of paper. I'll have to gamble and have faith that the paper will always say I'm clear.

Then I'll mean it when I say "Happy New Year!"

Happy New Year

Wow, it's 2010, where did the year go? Unfortunately for me, this year is shadowed with the pink path, I don't seem to remember much past the diagnosis of breast cancer. I know we had a wonderful family trip to DC and a great girlfriend trip on a cruise and we had a houseful last Thanksgiving and Christmas (2008) and an awesome trip to the Masters, but really don't remember much past June.

I don't have much of a memory of things we did or where the time went, but I do have a fabulous memory of how loved I am. I have so many people's arms wrapped around me and this unfortunate path has given me so many new friends and brought me so much love and surprises, each one helping me walk on this path one step at a time.

Happy New Year to you all, may you be blessed and enjoy life, be safe and love freely!