Lost a Bet

Lost a bet, must post picture of me in my current "condition"..............however, the "better" should have been more specific, I was just told I couldn't wear a hat.........

I Was Thinking

I was outside thinking about some of my dear sweet friends and family, I was watering a withering (mad that it's cold) plant and I was thinking that it just perks up after I water it. That's like me, a phone call or a text or a email or a wave perks me up. I just have cancer, I have insurance and I have great doctors, so my trial in life isn't really that rough, my cancer is gone, I'm in the final stages. And as many thousands of people have told me, "it's just hair, it will come back."

I have some people in my life right now who are going through so much worse than cancer. Somethings you can't solve with insurance or good doctors or anything. It makes me sad for them, I wish I had the simple answers for them that the doctors had for me. I'm so lucky to be me, I have such a good life. I wish I could take away all the pain for those I love and make their lives happy too. I've said it before and I mean it, I would gladly go through this all over again if it would guarantee that no one I know would have to go through it.

Know that if you're going through something rough right now that I am here for you, 1000% of the time........If you know me, you know I can be extra lovey dovey sometimes, and my moon must be in an extra lovey dovey place because I just feel love, all the time, (except from the DMV) ((hugs))!!

Happy Weekend!! xoxox

I Could Be Bad

I am feeling the urge to have a "bad" streak. Let me explain, for the most part (Mom may not agree) I've been "good" and done mostly everything I've supposed in life, never really stepped too far down the "bad" path. I'm a good Mom, wife, daughter, friend, cousin, niece, daughter-in-law, etc. I do what I'm supposed to.....because I'm supposed too. I've followed all the "cancer rules" and done everything I'm supposed to with all of that......but I'm feeling the urge to do something naughty.

Probably the same as male's "mid-life crisis" with their cars and girlfriends, I just am feeling the urge to go away and get a tattoo or dance all night or have a few extra mind altering products (I haven't drank in forever) and just cut loose.

I know I'm not alone with these feelings, I see lots of cancer patients feel this way at some point in time and I would imagine that someone like me (who does what they are supposed too ALL the time) feels this way once in a while.

I don't want to do anything life altering or illegal, I just want to cut it up. See, if I was a male, I could gather my friends and go out on the town and it would be fine. But that doesn't work for females quite the same, especially 42 yo stay at home, church going, Mom-wife gals.

I don't need a bunch of phone calls telling me not to do anything stupid, because I won't do anything at all, I am just feeling the desire to do something I'm not supposed too do............ still thinking about that tattoo! ;P

Almost forgot, the radiologist came in today with a camera and started taking photos of my....come on guess.......my breasts. I was like "hey, don't you have enough photos of that?" She said my Dr. was so impressed with my skin at this point in radiation that she wanted to take photos to show other Dr's............seriously who HASN'T seen those photos yet??

Down to 9!

Had my Dr's weekly check up today and she just couldn't believe I only had 9 more treatments left, yay!! She gave me a new cream to use, since I am starting to get a little red and extra tan, but other than that I am still doing very well.

My friend recently mentioned the word jelly beans and I haven't had much of an appetite lately, but those jelly beans sure hit the spot. I am sure it's not a healthy diet, one that consists of mainly jelly beans, but I'm loving them! Thanks, K! It stopped me from having to see a nutritionist because I didn't lose more than 3 lbs. this week, if I'd not see the post, not been reminded I love jelly beans and not eaten (a LOT) of them this week, I'd be having to go meet with a nutritionalist psychologist and I just don't have the patience for that, really, I'll eat again!! Friends just helping me out all over the place.

It's funny where life leads you, places you never expect, not just physical places (who knew.....FLORIDA....really??) but mental places as well. I get my strength from my friends and family, you all are the best. It's funny how your heart evolves given different circumstances in life. I feel sad for those people who aren't given different experiences to allow their heart to be hurt and to grow and to love and to be broken and to handle the unexpected.

I've grown lately due to many unexpected circumstances and although it hasn't been an easy road, I'm very glad that I was able to experience all of these different paths.

I don't know who's putting what in my coffee, but I seem to be on a "happy" path lately, I think it's because I have special people in my life whom I just adore.

Here's another funny thing that I am sure I will catch a few comments about, I was thinking this morning about getting a real tattoo, a pink ribbon in my wrist (on the inside) just to remind me to remember all I've learned, to stay in this frame of mind.

Fun Times

William and I are discussing high school and then that took me immediately into college, such good times. It really wasn't that long ago, was it?? I am, in a way, so jealous of the boys....they have so much fun ahead of them. I wish I could extend the fun times in their lives so they have fun and not grow up too fast.

Then you just grow up and get serious and then sometimes you get sick and that just sucks. What doesn't suck is that you have so many friends and family that stand behind you and really take your hand and get you through the tough times in life.

Having good memories helps, I am in a good place, a happy place and even though I still have 11 radiations left, I (oddly enough) enjoy seeing my radiation crowd every morning and I will miss my new friends when it's all done. I have a special place in my heart for the radiation crowd, we're all a part of the same team, all fighting together. It's like a AA meeting or something, we all walk in and everyone says "hello" in unison. Cheer those who need cheering, console those who aren't coming along as well, congratulate those who are "done", and cry with those are aren't feeling well. I love them.

Giving a little shout out to my friend with whom I chatted extendedly with today..........love you, you make me smile, I'm so happy your in my life!!!!

How Fast Things Change

This morning is the exact opposite of yesterday morning, stormy windy and rainy. Oh well, just like life, changes happen so fast. For example, on Friday I had most of my eyelashes and eyebrows, now on Monday I only have about half of each......:(

That aside, I had a large weekend, full of fun. First time since 1994 I have been completely alone one evening, sort of, still had the pets. Anyway, I had so many fun dates this weekend! I was not home longer than to brush my teeth and go to bed or get up and get dressed. Probably a good thing for the gloomy weather this morning to catch up on all that fun.

One of my most fun dates was with a friend of mine and we went to have lunch at the Greek restaurant in downtown Hollywood. We were sitting outside having a lovely meal, meaningful conversation, laughing, enjoying. I looked to my immediate west and there was a woman sitting there with sunglasses on by herself having what appeared to be water, she was facing me. My friend had their back to most of the table, able to see the street and I was facing the sidewalk. I watched a couple with a very young child sit down, two African American men sit down, a table with what appeared to be a husband, wife and her mother, and then this woman by herself with the water. I didn't pay much attention to anyone, I was enjoying being with my friend. I glanced at the woman a few times, probably because I thought she was homeless.

That's not an uncommon thing here, I don't really pay much attention to it anymore, but she was just staring. I'm used to it, I get it all the time, large bald lady gets stared at a lot. About the third time I glance at her, she takes down her sunglasses and gives me "the eye" and I was giggling but I couldn't really tell my friend what was going on nor did I want to interrupt the conversation. Then the lady disappeared.

We were enjoying our meal, and I looked up and she was standing at the table! She's not small either, and here's what she said.

"I'm a psychic and God has sent me to lead you down the path that has been chosen for you."

I responded with , "Ok, that sounds great, I'm eating lunch right now, but when I'm done I'll come find you and we'll chat." And she stands there for a minute.

"You are really on the wrong path, you need to be helped, you're going to be a gloriously successful and God wants me to help you."

"Ok, thanks, I'll look for you when I'm done."

And she walks off, downtown Hollywood has lots of restaurants and shops, so I figured she walked off to get more food or something. We go on with our lovely lunch and are at the end, having a cappuccino and chatting. There is only us and the table with the two African American men left. A pigeon comes and lands almost on me, and hops on top of the table by the men. I tried to shoo it away but it wouldn't leave so I said to the men, "hey, can you get that bird off the table" and they kinda look surprised at me and one of the guys says, "you know black birds, they are slow".

Then my friend turns to them and says to the man "you look like Tom Joyner" and he responds, "that's because I am". It was at this point my friend got very excited and discussed that we were both from Dallas and apparently he is from Dallas too. My friend is in the music business and I guess Tom is a VERY famous African American DJ. Of course, I have no clue who he is.

We have a large discussion with them and discuss Dallas and weather and radio and such, again I have no idea who these men are and am not star struck at all. We were done with the conversations, hellos, introductions, etc. and I focused back on our table and turn around and Psychic is BACK. Just standing at the table, she scared the crap out of me.

"I'm waiting to speak to you." Crazy Psychic woman

"I'm at lunch with my friend, and their time is valuable, so I'm not going to cut into this lunch with a psychic reading, but if you have a card I will take that and give you a call later." Creeped out Donita

She searches her purse for FOREVER and comes up with no card. She says, "do you have a pen" as she grabs a receipt to write on. I had her a pen and paper and she writes Miriam psychic and her number. Then she leaves and tells me one more time I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing and crosses the street and gets into a VERY nice Lincoln continental. I almost died, here I thought she was homeless and nope, she was in a really nice car and she left.

I told my friend I should probably throw away my pen, she probably cursed it or something and wow, can she not come up with a more obvious choice? I mean it's so incredibly obvious something is going on with me, I'm bald with half of my eye lashes and eye brows and it doesn't take a genius to figure out something is going on with me!!! Seriously, stuff like this happens to me ALL the time.

We got up to leave, my friend went to the restroom and Tom had two more buddies join him at his table (who were also from Dallas) and they asked me to join them, but I graciously declined. (still have no idea who they are). I think my friend was shocked I didn't want to join them, but I still didn't know exactly who he was and I was pretty sure that unless he turned out to be Samuel L. Jackson or someone like that, that it wasn't going to be ok for me to have drinks with my friend, me and four men from Dallas I didn't know!

I did figure out that the Bentley parked next to us was his car and when we got in the car my friend was so funny.

...Donita, you have no idea how famous that guy is nor how much money he has, etc.

....Ok, so now I know, Tom Joyner is a famous African American DJ from Chicago that used to fly from Dallas to Chicago every day to do his show in two cities. He's now syndicated and I heard him this morning.

I was telling Whitney this morning about running into Tom and asking him to shoo away a bird and his response was "that's like asking Bono to go get you a beer".

Oh well, if I run into him again, I won't ask him to shoo away a bird!!!

Down to 12 radiations!!!!

Beautiful Morning

It is one of those incredible South Florida morning's slight breeze, water calm and glistening, boats out on the water, birds chirping, 68*, just beautiful. I'm sitting out on the front porch looking at the breathtaking blue skies and having a delicious cup of coffee.

It's my second favorite time of day, I love watching the sun come up and he newness of the day. I'm far enough along in my treatment and journey that cancer isn't the first thing I think of every morning anymore and for that I am ever grateful. My most favorite time of day is the sunset, the colors are unreal, it's a palette of pastels that never gets old, and I love reflecting on all we accomplished that day.

I never have really gone down the "why me" path, I figured you can't unspill milk. But I will concede that just when I think I have things under control and I'm the one running the victory lap, some of the very smallest things (measured by those who are NOT going through cancer treatment) happens.

When I knew I was going to have the chemo that makes you lose your hair I was mad, no two ways about it, and you all know what a LONG journey that has been for me, but I'm dealing and if I don't say so myself, feel like I'm dealing pretty well. I knew my breaking point would be my eye lashes. I've always had long full eyelashes and I've always been proud of them. I get asked all the times if I have on "falsies" and get asked if I've had implants and nope, they are all mine. I remember in 8th grade my friend made so much fun of me because I stood in the mirror with a straight pin (every morning-still do) and would separate each lash so my mascara didn't look clumpy. My hair on my head was over processed and needed a new color and texture anyway, so while it's been hard to be bald, I'm looking forward to "virgin" hair; however, I have repeated begged God to please not take my eyelashes.

My prayers were answered, for the most part, and most of my eyelashes and eyebrows have stayed intact. Those false eyelashes I got "just incase" have stayed in their package. Having those hairs seemed to really keep my self esteem and smiling going. Until this week (same week some "friends" show their real colors) and now most of my eye brows are gone (although I already have new ones coming in) and half of my eye lashes on my bottom left eye fell out last night. I just feel so defeated, in so many areas.

On the one hand, I have William making me roll with laughter last night with his stories from his trip. And I am so proud of Nick I could burst, his water polo is just outstanding. Whitney has been the best husband in the world with all of this thrown at him too ( in all fairness he didn't ask for a sick, bald, moody, weepy -at times- dependent wife). Lucky is even better how with his daily diabetic shots and Buddy hasn't eaten anything crazy this week. Our family is very happy and strong and enjoying life.

And on the other hand I feel so sad that the eye lashes fell out. Why now, why on the road to being strong and being normal. I'm probably only a month away from taking off my hat and re-emerging into the world and BOOM out they come.

I guess in the large reflection of things, this is just life. Just when things get easy or settled, you are thrown some other obstacle.

It's the same with relationships, you think at 42 you have some things mastered, you think that you should be able to talk (real) to people you have relationships with and be honest with your feelings but nope that's not the case either. (As you can tell I am still greatly annoyed with the "friends") I find this so ridiculously frustrating. I am the kind of person that just says it like it is, let's not sugar coat it or dance around it, let's just talk about it. Because for the 20 minutes that you are uncomfortable with the conversation (or maybe people just don't like facing reality and dealing with situations) you save years of frustration just being honest and up front. I despise liars or as they often think of themselves "omitters".

I think my "friend" and my eye lashes are the same frustration. You can't control either one and you are trying your hardest to be accommodating and treat them right. I faithfully put in my "revitalash" (cancer potion for eyelashes), don't rub my eyes and don't wear makeup unless going out. I faithfully answer the phone when friends call, do anything I can do to help them out, and listen to all they have to say. I'm sad that both have turned on me, the eye lashes fell out and the friend only responds when they need something, won't even give a chance to explain my feelings and I think that is just wrong all the way around.

I guess when the human race masters this, we will be war and conflict free.

(Side note) I've gotten a few messages, texts, phone calls since posting this about my "friends" and believe me, if you are calling, texting, messaging me, it's not you! The "friends" don't bother with any of that, it would be way too considerate on their part! And they know who they are, no questions.

Interesting Thoughts

I am very happy to announce that my family is all back in the states, it's nice to have William home, although I know he had a fabulous time in Europe for his 16th birthday, makes me wish I was 16 again.......he's got so many wonderful memories. Nick is having a great weekend in Orlando at water polo, playing well, one game away from Junior Olympics qualifying. For the first time since 1994 I spent one night ALONE in the house, with just me the cat and the dog, it was funny, I was asleep with no problems and slept for a LONG time!!

I went to a party for Will's school last night and had such a nice time, I love his school and I love the people who hang out at the school. They are so loving and kind, I had several people come up to me and tell me that they have been praying for me this entire battle and two of them I just knew by faces not names, and I just thought it was the sweetest thing in the world that they were praying for me. I was showing the girls my bald head (I try not to take my hat off in mixed company) and one of the men walked in and he was so sweet, said the nicest things.

Today went to run some errands and ran into several friends who were also so kind and sweet. I guess if there was some good things to come out of all this, it is how many people have been sweet to me (minus strangers in post offices and churches) and I am just floored by how many people are on my side and fighting with me against this disease.

That's the good end of things, then there are those in my life who know I am going through all this craziness and they don't really seem to care, and these are people who should be kind and patient with me. I rarely pull my "cancer" card, but you know, if a friend of mine was going through this, I certainly wouldn't pick this time to talk behind their back or to hold a grudge or to flat out just ignore them, especially if I had done something to help them in their lives. I just don't get that kind of behavior at all. It's happened to me twice this week, and of course I was hurt by these actions. I consider myself a good friend, I'll do anything for you and give you anything, but I kinda expect you to be (at minimum) polite to me.

So my interesting conclusion for the day is....complete strangers are praying for me and two "friends" are just being selfish and ugly, maybe it's time to switch out the strangers and "friends"!

Half Way Mark

I am officially half way done with radiation today. Went for my weekly doctor visit and she said I am doing "remarkably well". She said this week I may start turning red and if that happens to go to her first and she would let me take some days off. Don't want any days off, just want to be done. I am starting to get darkening in the areas of the radiation. My shoulder is hurting, but she says that is just the way I lay on the table every day.

I personally think it hurts because it's way too COLD here in not warm Florida. I mean to tell you, I love the 80's, you can have this 40-50-60 degree weather! My shoulder used to bother me in Dallas with large temperature gaps, and I haven't missed that in Hollywood, next week it will be warmer again. I need a good shoulder rub.

I got a small one in the office because they have a free massage therapist that roams around, love that. Except 15 min. isn't enough!

I have been experiencing some interesting feelings, but according to my "cancer" sources they are normal. I just feel so lucky to stop and smell the flowers, to enjoy a friend's story, to catch up with someone I haven't seen in a long time, to go the speed limit. But my general population of family and friends aren't there with me. They are still running at that 1000mph speed and not feeling the love of everything like I am. When I try to tell them to "slow down" and enjoy life, I get that "yea, you're sick and not normal like us" look.

Do me a favor and do something that you want to do today, just for yourself and do it with joy.

13 Down

Seems that my breast is agitated today with the radiation. Probably because she bragged on it so much yesterday! Tomorrow marks my half way mark, I'm so glad!!

I have my appointment tomorrow for blood work and "how are you doing" once a week check in, that will be easy. Haven't been as diligent putting on the aloe vera these last two days, maybe that's why it's red, I guess I'd best stay on top of that!!

I'm sitting at home waiting on the DISH man to bring us a HDTV receiver for our new HDTV flat screen. We've finally moved into this century and are seeing what all the fuss is about, it's a nice tv, just in time for the Olympics.

I always wonder why they give you a 5 hour window. I don't know much that takes five hours, and who has five hours? I do (only because) I picked up Nick early because he wasn't feeling well, but they have you at such a mercy, what's your choice??

Kinda like cancer, where's the choice???

12 down!!

Been productive today, which I haven't been in a while, I love that good productive feeling!!

I went to the oncologist today and she said I was "doing great!" I'm so excited and it felt good to hear. It was funny, remember we know each other from my dentist and she said she was at the dentist's office last week and they were talking about me and my good attitude. She told him (dentist) that she never saw me "not" smiling. I'm pretty sure I had some "not" smiling days, glad she didn't see me those days!

We went on to have my exam (what would a day be like where I didn't whip out my breast for ALL in the room to see.......... it will be such an adjustment to not show it on a continual basis, maybe I'll look into job vacancies at all these gentlemen's clubs.......) and as she was checking out the breasts, she was amazed I had no signs of radiation. She kept asking me if I was going to radiation and I kept saying yes. She grabs TWO other nurses and the other Dr. in the practice to come in and look at my breast, to show off how well I was doing with radiation.

I love praise, I respond well to praise, but I'm so TIRED of everyone seeing my breasts. Although I did get tickled and I think I turned a little pink (I don't turn red, just pink). Seriously, I'm going for a new career path.

After having such a glowing report, I did get some not so good news today, there's a chance that this chemical post menopause that I'm in may subside and then RETURN again when I'm older, wth, really??

Then I headed back over to the hospital to sit with my friend who had a biopsy today. It really made me flashback on my situation and have some nervous feelings. I would gladly do this cancer thing all over again if I could take it away from all of my family and friends whom I love dearly. I don't want anyone I know to ever have to do it, EVER.

You may have noticed that ECT has been very quiet lately, I have her locked in a closet with a heavy pad lock on it. :) She had to be put away last week when she went nuts on a man in front of her at Walmart. Walmart just brings out the worst in people, they even have a website devoted to it!

I almost forgot, I was getting on the elevator this morning after radiation to go be with my dear friend and when I got on I got on with a nurse who looked familiar, but I couldn't place her. She said "Caledonia Wheeler", do you remember me? (I hate it when people do that to you!) Anyway, I did remember she was the nurse who removed my port. I said "Yes, you're the port remover!" She just laughed and she said "You're absolutely right, I recognized you from your EYES (isn't that crazy) she said I've never seen eyes likes yours." I thought that was very sweet and she's the third person this month to say that to me!

There ARE sweet people in Hollywood!!

You know all those hat crazies?? This guy so made up for them!

I went to pick up my cat after his being watched for the day, he had his first insulin shot. We were in the waiting room of the vet's office and a man and his wife walked in the door. I noticed she had on a pink breast cancer shirt with the ribbon in rhinestones.

The man asked me if I walked on the beach in the mornings and I said yes. He said "I recognize you and I wanted to tell you I'm sorry about your cancer. We had a daughter who was 42 (hummm, very close to home) and she died of breast cancer a year ago. We've been watching you walk (the man and his wife-nothing weird) and we knew you before your hair fell out, we just knew it was breast cancer and we've been praying for you."

I just stood there for a few second recovering and while I was recovering, they both gave me a HUGE hug and said they had to run.

It was such a nice ending to such a crappy week! The crappy week isn't health related, it's my real life, not my cancer life! How dare that real life!!

Down to 19

That's kind of fun, out of the 20's!

Don't have time for cancer this week, too much going on in my real life. William left today on his trip to Europe and my baby turns 16 over there, I'm SO excited for him and SO jealous!!!

My cat is a diabetic now, so tomorrow I go and learn how to administer all his shots, etc. Yay, just what I thought would be fun, a cat with diabetes.

Buddy (the dog) at my meat loaf I made for dinner this week, must need some protein after eating the bag of chocolate mint kisses a few weeks ago.

I feel a trip to the beach in my immediate future!!

#23

Definitely the radiation that is making me loose my appetite. I was great on Sunday, will remember to eat more on Sundays! It hit me about thirty minutes after radiation, that just yucky feeling. But that's ok, like I said, it's not a bad thing for me to have less calories!

A little tender today too, but not that bad. Hot flashes still in full swing (sigh) and not sleeping that much, of course never been much of a sleeper.

I was able to enjoy two parties yesterday and not be self conscious of my head gear, given my new revelation on Friday. That was fun, things are good.

#24

Oh my goodness, one week down and no gigantic mishaps, yay!

I'm fine, just not eating much, but that's ok I have a little extra padding! It's funny, I have been told over and over and over again that I look the same even though I'm bald. Almost every single friend has said to me "get over it" (which by the way is NOT a good thing to say if you have hair and the person you are telling to get over it doesn't) and I just wouldn't get over it.

But I think I'm finally over it. I don't know why I associate being "whole" with having hair, it really is the most ridiculous thought out there, but when you have been through loosing your hair and the traumatic effects of being forced bald, your self confidence goes out the window with the hair.

I had two people confirm this for me yesterday, they confirmed that I was indeed-with or without hair-the same person I have always been, and I want to thank both of them for being "straight" with me.

It is terribly hard to stop feeling sorry for your bald head, but one person in particular really let me have it today on that subject and it was such a relief to finally after all of this time, be able to let that go and accept that I am-indeed-the same person (and this is the crazy part of it) with OR without my hair.

Isn't that the definition of a real friend, to love you just as you are, to always see that person as the most in all of their qualities??

#25

Today was the "big" day. Every Thursday they do films and I have an appointment with the Dr. and then I have to give blood. I give so much blood I can actually watch them put the needle in my arm now and take the blood with no problems! I had to go across the street to the chemo building to give the blood and I almost puked, but I didn't, I was so proud!

Everything was fine, I am doing "great" for my four treatments. She showed me the rx and where it was going, etc. it's all good. The waiting room is funny, it's the same people every day and now everyone chats. There are two males with prostate cancer and three females with breast cancer. I just found out one of ladies in the waiting room teaches at William's school, but in the elementary level. His high school is next door to the elementary/middle school (Catholic) school and she teaches third grade, we exchanged "hot flash" stories. By the way, really getting on my nerves those flashes!

My dear friend who was with me when I got the phone call had her mammogram and ultrasound this morning and I could tell she was a little nervous and since I have a "roam the hospital with no questions" bracelet I wear, I headed upstairs after my radiation to go give her a hug.

While I was sitting waiting for her I started chatting (imagine that, me chatty??) with a lady who was going through chemo and we had seen each other around. Anyway, she was in much worse shape with me, made me sad and happy. Does that sound bad, I wish I could take away everything she's going through, but it also made me realize that I could have had it much worse, I guess really it made me feel sad and blessed-not happy. This poor woman just talked and talked and talked (I know, can you believe, someone out chatted me??) and I could tell she just needed to vent. So it was a good thing I wait about 30 minutes for my friend, obviously this lady needed me. I wouldn't be surprised for her to find us one morning on the beach, she knows we walk and she said she would look for us, I'm sure she will I think she's very lonely.

Anyway, while we were chatting the ultrasound tech who originally "found" my tumor came up to me and said "Caledonia (for those of you who don't know-that's my legal and insurance name) it's SO GOOD to see you (big hug) I think about you all the time, I could never forget those blue eyes staring at me when I found your tumor, and how's your Mom (she came for some of the biopsies), I am so happy to see you, you look great, I always pray for you."

Now how sweet was that?? Makes up for all the hat freaks in Hollywood!

#26

It is a bit ridiculous how easy this has been (so far). I drop off Will, get my coffee, park and walk in, get my ticket stamped (for parking) scan my radiation id, I barely sit down and they are ready for me. I change into my robe, they arrange me on the table (more teaching students there today, all male) I do the radiation for about 3 minutes and I get off the table, change back into my clothes, go back to the car, and I'm done. I get there a little after eight and I am done by about 8:24 every morning.

I am sure it will hit a snag at some point. And just so you know, I plan to count down each day one by one. It is how I do things, I love to have a number to count down. And I especially feel the right to count down the radiation after the chemo (which I don't know if I mentioned or not but I would not wish chemo on my worst enemy), so you can look forward to a day by day count down.

Lots of people ask me if I can feel the radiation. No, I can not. It is a huge machine, I lay on a bed like you would if you were getting a cat scan or a MRI but instead of there being a tube you go into, it is like a mission control spot. Lots of computers and screens, the "arm" that gives the radiation hoovers above me and moves from the left to the right. There are steel grids in the "arm" and it makes different designs. They match the tattoos and all line up for the radiation, the different designs replicate the spot where the tumor was, and then outlying areas.

Headed to walk, hope everyone has a wonderfully blessed and happy day!

#27

I can't believe how fast they are, and how quick it is. I did feel nauseous the entire day yesterday, but I don't know if that was mental or real, you know they tell you OVER and OVER again you will be nauseous, so again....hard to tell.

For the most part I maintain a happy attitude, but sometimes the deep and dark creep into my being and you know, usually when that happens I get a random message from someone who means the world to me saying, "hey I'm praying for you and thinking about you" and that just makes it so much better, thank you!!!

She said to put aloe on the area three times a day, even when it looks like nothing is wrong. So I'm off to cut up my aloe vera plant. Which is actually harder to do than you think. You buy the plant for that reason, to cut up and use, but actually taking a pair of scissors to it is difficult.

I think the highlight of these 28 sessions will be the Cuban coffee I get to get in the mornings, it's so delicious!!!! And cheap, only $1.25 for a LARGE and I mean LARGE. If you're local, go it's at Bravo's on Johnson and they have a little window if you don't want to go into the market.

Off to walk, the beach just makes everything ok, I'm glad it's close by!

First Radiation down 27 left!

I got up, showered, put on nothing (hehe I don't mean clothes, I mean lotions, deodorant, etc!!) and took William to school. Met Whitney at our favorite coffee place (Bravo supermarket has the BEST coffee!) and then headed to the hospital. Got all checked in and of course, forgot my "scan" card that I need everyday to say I'm here. Also forgot my bracelet, do you think I wanted to go??

Anyway, after the lectures of being prepared and needing all these goodies, they took me back. I changed clothes and in came the two girl nurses and (of course, who else would have this happen) a visiting boy nurse "is it ok if he watches?"

I missed the check in of modesty at the door, so I was a little hesitant, but they took that as a yes and DOWN went the robe and exposed again.......really......it's getting old.

It was a little funny because the second I was exposed he looked EVERYWHERE except at me, not like it matters, on the wall is a picture of your breast, a LARGE picture showing the radiation grid.

They all left the room and literally it took maybe 4 minutes. It made lots of noise and was done. I was done in 18 minutes and then the massage lady grabbed me and massaged me for a little bit. That was nice. I hope she's there every day!

My skin is a little itchy and I feel a little nauseous, but that could be it's Monday morning!!