A Battle Royale

I didn't address the battles in my life with the correct approach in the past. I thought if you ignored it long enough it would either 1) go away or 2) solve itself. I think that is why cancer is so..............so............battle engaging. You have no choice, you have to battle it and you have to be strong and tell yourself it is going to work. All these chemicals you are pouring into your body by choice is going to work and you're going to live a long solid life. Although this was clearly out of my comfort zone, what other choice did I have? It wasn't like I was 86 and I'd lived a long and wonderful life, I was 41 and I have many years ahead of me. So I put on my big girls pants and went into battle.

Much like a soldier going into battle I was confused, scared and was grateful to see each new day again. The real battles are easy, the ones you are in and physically fighting. But the silent battles are definitely the hardest, ones that truly eat you up.

I think raising teenagers is a good example of a battle that isn't physical. It is so emotional, so hard to find the line of where to be a parent and where to be an observer. Part of being a good parent is being a good listener and a good observer and keeping your opinion in a deep dark place where no one really sees or hears it. It's so hard to do the simple things like let them drive in I-95 or watch them make decisions you know will not work out. But if you don't, they don't grow and the problems just grow bigger and bigger.

I have great children. I'm really only exposed to great children. I have outstanding nieces and a nephew, cousins, friends kids, etc. I am surrounded by goodness but terrified at the same time. I wonder if I wasn't worn out with the physical battle of last year if my silent battles would be a little easier. Who knows, right, all parents of teenagers have a little bit of a lost look.

My rock was awesome, I loved living under it, why did someone move it???