I can't believe it's been three months

Wow, three months since I wrote on my blog. So, hello, greetings, I'm a breast cancer survivor. It's one of my new titles, and I LOVE it. I love that I can say survivor and I love that I had breast cancer. What, no, the chemo did NOT fry my brain. Albeit, I would not have chosen breast cancer as my way of getting back to ME and who ME is, but since that's the way the good Lord intended for it to be, I accept that with open arms.

I have so much to share. My first big news, is I've lost 37 lbs!!! YAY me!!! It's not enough to just have breast cancer, but it has some awesome side effects aside from baldness, puking, menopause, blood work, MRI's, PET scans, you name it, one of my side effects was a massive weight gain. I know that I am not a doctor and I can't prove this, but I think my body was holding on to everything and anything that it could and it had to go through several cell "cycles" (if you will) to know that I was not bringing back that chemo. Once it "let go" the weight literally fell off. That and I work out with a trainer and a nutritionist plans my meals. BUT before all of that, I lost 15 lbs just thinking about hiring those awesome people!!

So I have all my skinny clothes OUT of storage and in my closet, again, yay me. I'm more than half way done, I hope to be down to high school weight when I'm done. I looked good then. I also have the most beautiful hair. It is a very pretty curly color, makes my eyes pop and my eye lashes are ridiculously long, love it!!!

But by FAR, the best thing that has happened to me is that I am alive!! I mean that both literally and figuratively. My heart beats every day and I am so grateful for those beats. My heart also beats to my drummer, the drummer I lost a while back. The drummer that allowed me to be walked over and taken advantage of, but no more. I joke with the boys that cancer gave me a pair. They, of course, don't find it nearly as funny as I do!!

I still have some naysayers in my crowd, but I've done my best to weed them out. I don't have time for people who don't want me to be me. Gone are the days of me being someone else just to make people happy. Good side effect of cancer.

It's interesting, the people who say "are you using your cancer card" really, yes I AM. I will still never forget, one of my friends (who is no longer a friend) said to me when I was first diagnosed, "I don't want you pulling that damn cancer card all the time." Ok, so if you're a diabetic, does that mean you don't get to pull you card or if you're a paraplegic should you just start walking and waving your arms. No, you shouldn't and isn't it horrible that I even said that, didn't you cringe a little bit? Well, you can see why we aren't friends anymore. I can damn well use my "cancer card" for the rest of my life if I want to, so there. But I don't need it anymore. I picked myself up, brushed myself off, and got right back on that horse. I'm so proud of myself. They say bloggers are ego manics, I don't know about that, but I am tooting my own horn right now!!

Life truly is wonderful and I really have my dear family and friends to thank for that. I made some new friends that I would not have if I didn't have cancer. Sadly, I've lost some friends to cancer as well, the ying and yang of life. I miss them.

I realize I'm not out of the woods yet, I still have 3 1/2 years to be considered for that title. But I feel positive about things. I met a girl on Friday night who's just started this journey and my heart goes out to her. Not because I don't think she's going to be ok (I think she IS going to be ok) but because I know what's ahead of her and it's not easy. It's hard keeping your spirits up. I realized that in my situation, I was keeping my spirits up for everyone else, not myself.

Every night I say a little prayer for all those who lost their battle and all those going through their battle, because Lord knows they need support and not judgement. They need every positive vibration from the Universe, they need all those prayers and most of all, they need to believe in themselves.

I want to be a writer. I don't think I suck at it, I know I have a long way to go to improve. I've been told "it's hard, too many blogs, no one publishes" etc, but I feel it in my bones. I sure have lots to write about, so I think I'll pick this up again.

Don't know that I will restrict it to just cancer, since I live with two teenage boys and some pretty funny local characters that provide so much writing material, even have that scary element ( remember Ghost-STILL around). As always, reading is optional!!!

xxoo