Been Thinking

I've been trying to figure out why I'm so bugged by the fudge. I thought I would dig deep into my thoughts (and you know, that was a short trip, my brain is rather shallow these days) and I think I may have figured it out.

When you're faced with enormous obstacles in your life, one tends to just swallow hard and do what your supposed to do. Sure you might have a mad day or a sad day or a "why me" day, but over all you suck it up and do it. If that means losing body parts or having surgery or bad bad mean chemicals or having numerous tests or whatever, you just do it.

I think what makes the fudge so difficult is that is the tiny things that really (after time) seem to get to you. The tiny things seem so much harder to overcome. And I know that people who aren't going through this don't always understand because it seems logical that all of the tiny stuff will eventually be able to come back to you whereas body parts don't, and one should be able to move past it easily.

I think it's because the big stuff requires so much of your positive "I can do this" attitude and you really get "up" for it but the small stuff hits you out of the blue with no warning and it just seems so much harder to overcome. There doesn't seem to be an end in sight with the small stuff either, and again with the big stuff you have more of a "schedule" to rely on, small things are simply just little surprises (not good surprises) all the time.

There becomes a mountain of surprises and one day you just can't do it anymore, it's the surprise that crumbled the mountain, you know the straw that broke the camels back, it just becomes harder and harder to keep that smile going.

Don't worry I can still "do it" I'm just getting close to being pushed past the point of no return........