Early Morning Fun

Here I sit in the hospital waiting room for my appointment today. I have no idea why I am here. Since I started typing that I was called into the "office" and filled out some more paperwork and paid my bill. I bet that's why I'm here, to pay the bill.

Now I'm in waiting room #2. The anesthesiologist has come in and consulted with me (sort of) and I've been given a set of papers to fill out. One of them is a living will. Holy crap, it's tough to stay positive signing that ahead of time!! I mean I get it and I understand why I'm signing it, but it does allow for your mind to wander.

Thank goodness I brought the laptop or my mind would be down a dark path right now. I am being positive and keeping my faith, but at this exact moment in time I am scared and nervous about "going under". I guess more appropriately I am nervous and scared about "waking up".

Again, I know that I will be fine, I have done all the proper mental exercises, seeing my children get married, waiting for a kiss from Whit when I wake up, mentally planning the next weeks,months, years, etc. but there is only so much my little positive attitude can take and this is stretching it. I wish it wasn't a holiday weekend. Whitney and Nick are going on their annual hunting trip to Texas and I can't wait for them to go and have a blast, they need it. William and I have a fun weekend planned. Football games and lunch with dear friends, brunch with more friends and a movie with another. I am just nervous.

Here's the good news, no wait, great news, I CAN take the xanax all weekend with no effect on the surgery at all. Praise Jesus!!

Waiting for the nurse to come chat with me, just waiting.............we're all in these rooms. Five of us walked back (and we all have cancer) to waiting room #2 and then we were all hustled into a room to wait. I think they are extremely efficient, it just makes me sad that there are five of us that even have to come to the hospital and have this discussion. I know they all have cancer because my waiting room was labeled "Cancer surgery", probably just different kinds of cancers.

Oh dear, still waiting. You know this whole time I've only broken down and really cried once. It seems that the longer I sit here, the more my eyes fill with tears..............NOT a good place to fall apart...............or maybe it is, I think they are all trained for this!

Let's think funny, I'm reading the Cancer Vixen that my new friend Diane sent me, it's very funny but it's on the kitchen counter and not in my hand right now. Maybe I should google "funny" and see what come up. Sickness is like parenting it's a series of distractions. When the kid is throwing a fit, you distract them. When the sick are down, you distract them.

Or I could check out the drama at the nurses station since I'm sitting in a room with a patio sliding door and it's open and I can see the nurses really chatting it up right now. Wait, here comes someone, stopping at the door, looking aaaannnnnnnnnnndddddddddd (this is in real time, I'm stalling) walked by (crap, want to be done with this).

Here's another, looking slowing down looking reading walking stopping looking smiling at me. But it was one of those pitiful "we'll get to you" smiles.

One of my sweetest friends in the universe just sent me a "thinking of you" email. Elizabeth you are a mind reader and I miss you so much. I miss our walks and our talks and your logical well thought out mind, but I feel you with me right now and I am just a bit calmer. (Ok I am laughing, I re read that and it sounded so summer novel exert, if you are wanting to puke right now that would be understandable) BUT I MEAN it!! I can't help it, I LOVE and CHERISH all of my friends who just "know" I need them. Where would I be without them?

And I'm still sitting here. I haven't signed this living will, waiting until I'm forced too. I guess that's my stubborn streak, my "I AM in charge" here attempt. Did I mention I had two full cups of coffee before I came and I have not seen a restroom?? Another plus for the day, lost 2 lbs last week. Even after my three day binge.

Teresa was talking about the legal system and jury duty in her blog yesterday, I think I could go off on the hospital system for a while too. I mean they are as slow as molasses and they all have jobs. I wish everyone's job could be slow and slow and still around.

Looking around this "room" it must be someone's office, there is a calendar with "Erika and Steve" wedding picture hanging on the wall and two pictures of three cats. I guess Erika wanted to marry Steve, they are kissing and she is practically doing a headstand, sure wish I had been that limber during the 105 year old sweet lady kiss. Steve is about to fall flat on his face, it was probably the photographers idea of a romantic pose or something and obviously they liked it because the one picture takes up both September and October but from a strangers point of view it really looks like she is doing third grade back bend to avoid a kiss.

So there's really nothing left to make fun of, I think I'll go in search of a restroom.

WOW, I didn't see the poster behind me, it's titled "The Wizard Of Oz" and it's a cartoon type drawing of the movie. It's like a unicorn poster, Rainbows and fairies and flowers and the good fairy and the bad witch and of course Dorothy and her three side kicks. Maybe I'm the only one who finds this ODD. I certainly don't want to associate the hospital with land of Oz. They kinda had their heads up their asses and lived in a crazy world. I would NOT want my hospital to parallel that at all. If it was a dentist's office it would make more sense, laughing gas and all, but this is a serious hospital, the cancer section.

The Wizard of Oz always reminds me of my Dad, maybe he's letting me know he's around because I'm pretty sure this is the only patio office with this poster. Going to check it out and see if a wandering around patient will get more response than a patient on their laptop.

Looking for a restroom.

"Ma'am where's the restroom?"

"Do we need a specimen?"

"I don't know."

"Why don't you know?"

"Because no one has said anything to me."

"What room are you?"

"Seven" (Note I am standing in the door just to the right of the HUGE #7 on the door)

"Hold on."

Ok, I'll hold on. I have only been here for 1 1/2 hrs and had two cups of coffee and been stuck in room #7 for 30 min., but I'm waiting. Now I know how my dog (Buddy) feels when I'm a little late getting home.

"Ok, you can relieve your bladder"

I actually chucked out loud. I haven't heard that phrase since I was pregnant. Goody a nurse just stuck her head in and said "I'll be with you shortly (and then did the eye bug out look). I think that was to indicate that "shortly" was a loosely used term OR she has no control over the time issue. But it wasn't Erika, maybe she has the day off and is spending it with Steve.

Here's comes the lady who stuck her head in and said "shortly" 27 minutes later. We're moving to room #4, apparently there has been a slight mix up. They have me down for the breast center (logical) and it's supposed to be outpatient. I said "Oh, is that why you lost me for a while?" and in unison two nurses responded with "We never lost you." Humm, disagree I've been here a long time.

So once in room #4 we filled out paper work and more paper work. Please note that there were no rainbows, fairies, talking lions or scarecrows who lost their nerves on the walls. Just a coffee cup filled with pens. Whew, that actually made me feel better!

And for the record, I was right, I didn't need to sign the living will since I have one already. That was actually the reason I didn't want too, I didn't want it to precede my other one. We went over all the instruction of pre bathing, eating, medicating, and driving and I went on my merry way.

I'm official, calling on Friday to get surgery time. It's such a soap opera, there is always that little bit of information they hold from you to keep you staying tuned!