Hair Dilemma!

I can't seem to get past the hair. I haven no idea why it isn't logical at all. I understand it will grow back and be "better than the past" "wish I'd had this hair for years" "am so thankful it's only hair" but I'm still not okay with it. It doesn't really matter, just like all of this cancer stuff, it doesn't really matter what I want or how I feel, it does whatever it wants. My hair is starting to fall out, not in handfuls, but enough for me to say "my hair is starting to fall out". It makes me so very sad.

Everyone has tried to make me ok with this, and I recognize and appreciate it, but I am simply not ok. I don't want to be bald and I don't want to wait 2-3 years for my hair to look like it never went through chemo, even though this cancer bully will do what it wants.

I have a wonderful array of hats and wigs and scarfs and I understand that I will be socially acceptable (and pitied) for the condition of my hairless head and with all this understanding, I am still naively hanging on to the .01% chance that my hair won't fall out. Am I an ever dying optimist or what??

I was wondering, does the cancer card get you the "skip a birthday and do it next year" option??