Throws of Chemo

I understand being in the throws of chemo is tough, but let me just say, it's tough. I am sad today and I'm sure it's just my hormones moving around changing lanes and becoming complete new hormones (guess my old ones weren't good enough) but I'm sad that I'm stuck on the couch or in the bed. No yesterday I wasn't as bad as the first time, but I wasn't much better, I could walk alone and that was my biggest accomplishment. Last week I was all but normal having a large time and enjoying my friends and family. This week I've been hit by a bus and I'm back on the couch/bed doing nothing and I hate it.

I hate that I know I'm going to be hit by a bus two more times and know what to expect. I am doing things better and I'm not as nauseas and I'm not as weak but I'm still very uncomfortable and mad. These are the days that I question everything I've ever eaten, drank, where I've lived and wonder what did this to me.

I have such a wonderful support group and I couldn't do it without every single one of you, but I'm still mad and I'm mad mad mad that I'm a breast cancer patient soon to be survivor, so I think I'll go take a nap and see if I can use my energy a little bit better towards myself instead of my anger.