I will have to say there is such am emotional side to all of this, as I watched William, Whitney, and Nick drive off this morning, I was sad. William's team won (YAY LIONS!!) their first round in the District 2B (Florida) football playoffs last night and I was there in spirit through texts and friends. Nick has a seed meet today to post times for the swim championship meet weekend after next. I wasn't there to cheer for any of it. I get it too, I get that parents can't possibly make everything......... but that's my job............and this isn't by choice. It's my job to get them where they belong and to drive them to do their best. I am taking some well documented time off but it still makes me very sad to miss these things. Everyone tells me "this time is for you" "you can't do everything" but at the end of the day, NO ONE asked me if I WANTED to do any of this and the end result is it makes me sad.
It's hard enough to stay "up" for all of this pink path stuff. It's hard enough to smile and say "I feel good, thanks for asking" or "Honey, I am there in spirit, I am cheering for you" or "no, I don't want to have any company or go anywhere for the holidays" with a smile and just being grateful for a second chance at life. There is so much responsibility that goes with being "sick".
It wedges its way into your entire life and rearranges all the things that you already know and know how to do, it presents an entire new way of life, while all coming at the speed of light with little time to adjust or respond, and it's all without choice. I think that's what is hard to grasp for me, right now, and to ice the cake, you have to do it in a completely weakened emotional and physical state.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but today I'm getting out the Christmas boxes, they make me smile and unlike missing play off games and swim meets and gathering of friends and family get togethers, I can control the boxes.
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