Surprise!

I was having such a quick recovery. I was up and around much quicker and better than last time and actually very proud of myself.

Then all of a sudden in it's "been hit by a bus" way it hit me again tonight. The nauseas and the stomach burning and the achy body, it's all back. I know (since I try and learn from the past) that this will pass in a day or two and in a day or two I will be 94% fine until my next chemo (still-at this point-not committing too-ok really- we know I am bluffing-but if I say that I feel like I have some control over this entire situation that I never have any control over-but I'm not frustrated with that at all :)) and enjoy the holidays like everyone else.

However tonight not feeling that groovy. I always take feeling bad so personally, like if I had done abc and not def then I would be fine tonight, I absolutely will not let this cancer or the chemo have any possession over me at all, so silly, maybe if I could just let go and let the chemo run it's course and understand that the cancer is gone, then I would feel better right now.

See, always making excuses for feeling bad, I just need to say "to heck with it, I just feel bad", there I feel better. (I do recognize the giant circle here-help stop me- I've fallen and I can't get up.....)

Looking forward to more progression in the "feeling good" category tomorrow. I almost forgot, ECT cut loose today. I was standing in line at the post office (along with everyone in the city of Hollywood) and I was about 20 people back in line and there were about 20 people in back of me. I had two large sacks of boxes to mail and I was sliding them on the floor. The lady standing behind me in line asked me.....

"Can I go ahead of you, I just have one box"

I just stood there for what seemed five minutes (must have been ECT arriving) I was like "really?"

ECT responded, "I don't know, it depends on when I get up there. You know the person in front of me only has one item and the three people behind you only have one item, this isn't like the grocery story, you aren't behind me in the same check out, you will go to the next available teller, and if I let you go, when does it end?"

She didn't speak to me again. I was really irritated, why do people feel like their time is more valuable than my time? In a grocery store, I get that, but this is a post office. And to top it off, when I was done mailing my $103 worth of boxes, she was STILL at her check out person-arugeing with them.............