I am not really sure I should be a parent right now. When I get nervous about things, that's when ECT comes out and the last 24 hours she's been like a ghost on a mission running in and out at a moments notice. Actually I am not sure I should be involved in any relationships right now, I think cancer patients should be living on cancer island. As soon as they are diagnosed, they should board a plane and head to cancer island. They would have all the medical facilities available and all the comforts of home. Kind of like a get-a-way weekend, perfect scenery, weather, five star accommodations and all the employees paid to put up with you. They would be encouraging and your support system. That isn't to say that my current support system isn't AWESOME and I LOVE everyone. It's to say that I am just a bad friend/relative/parent/wife right now. I am like a pendulum of emotions. I'm irrational, mean, sobby, short, and think (currently) the world revolves around me and I'm the only one going through anything. Isn't that just awful and you know what the worst is, I can't make it STOP. I know I'm being bad, I know I'm unreasonable and moody and should have my parent/friend/relative/wife card revoked right now.
It's a hard balance, I want everyone to know and support me, but I don't want any sympathy. How does that work exactly? My friends/family are doing a good job of it, I don't want any of you to think you aren't doing a great job, you really are, I just am being a difficult person these days.
I wonder if next to the wig store they have a surrogate Donita program available.
Yes, they do. You buy several different wigs in different colors and you give them/you different names and personalities when you wear them. Trust me, it works out fine. ;-) (Oh, and you can ask Stacey--she tried on a few of my wigs with me when she came to babysit me after the first chemo...and a party broke out instead!). Hang in there.
ReplyDelete