There's always someone richer,thinner, smarter, better

Skipped blogging yesterday because the day was almost as if I didn't have cancer, I didn't have time! Between working out, walking with Luann and Judy and going to BJ's (stop it, it's a store) and going to the beach, I ran out of time. But here is my favorite cancer quote from yesterday.

(in reference to my hair) "Do they all fall out together?" Yup, it's a suicide mission, they all hold hands and 1,2,3, JUMP!!!

The last couple of days have been interesting, I wasn't going to blog about it because I felt "weak" in a way, then I thought if I helped some random person that I didn't know was reading this, it might help them.

Starting Tuesday night, late at night I started getting heart palpitations. I haven't had these before (unless I drank too much tequila) and they were freaking me out a little bit. About a month ago, right after my girlfriend trip and early into the cancer journey (weird word, agree with Teresa, not really a journey but maybe you all can give me a better word) I had a full blown anxiety attack one night. Heart palpitations, elephant sitting on my chest, throwing up (almost I HATE to throw up-would rather have a toe nail extracted) diarrhea (I know this is a lot of information) and hot/cold flashes and little sleep. I called the Dr. the next day because I was pretty sure that's what it was and some of my dear sweet friends confirmed it for me. Anyway, I called my obgyn and told the secretary and they immediately called me in some zanax. Have used it occasionally over the years with moving, daily life, etc but had a 30 day rx that I had for 5 years, so obviously it wasn't much. So I had half a one for a few days then we headed off to DC and I was fine. But Wednesday night it came back fast and furious, so I took a whole one and went to bed. I don't like how they make me feel, I feel tired, but it's better than my heart freaking out.

Wow, I can't believe I admitted all that, be easy on me. One thing I did find out yesterday when I was in the Dr's office (new Dr) filling out all the paper work was that this is "normal". I told the receptionist about this and she said "Honey, that is very normal, take the rx." Whew I'm glad to know I'm normal. I have my appointment with new Dr on Thursday yesterday was just filling out paper work.

Another thing I've figured out these last couple of days, is (to quote Jack my father in law he told this to Whitney (husband) at some point in his life and it's something Whitney has always held onto) is "there is always someone faster, richer, smarter, and better" What I mean is that there is always someone with a worst story than mine, better story, different story, freaky story, it's like a fingerprint.

So I'm grateful I'm just where I am with this, I pray for those in a worst situation and rejoice for those in a better situation and I LOVE all of my friends and family so much. I couldn't do this without you all. I want to thank Blythe and Lori for our great chats yesterday and my Mom who checks on me daily. xoxo

I have figured out what is causing the anxiety attacks, it's the unknown. It's all the questions floating in my mind, will my hair be curly, dark, thicker, coarser, will my eye lashes be thinner, longer, the same, will I go through early menopause, will that be the end or will I do it again, will I throw up, will I lose weight (I hope!), will I be able to face the day, all these things (and many more) are floating around and I did NOT have a choice. It's not like a move or something you consciously decide, it's something just thrown at you that you HAVE to deal with, so I'm dealing with God's help, family's help, friend's help and a little zanax help!